Week in review — no more police notes edition

Nudes, tree hugging, get dressed, beach items, Gene Attel and Dr. Oz is ok with 2%-3% of kids dying

Khoros, a social media firm, found in a study that “singles (have been) tweeting the terms ‘nudes’ and ‘d*ck pics’ alongside the term ‘Coronavirus’ at a pace 384% higher than just 30 days ago.” In the same study, the use of the peach and eggplant emojis also rose (April 9). 

The Icelandic Forest Service is recommending that citizens hug trees instead of other humans. “Five minutes is really good, if you can give yourself five minutes of your day to hug, that’s definitely enough,” one forest ranger said (April 12).

The Icelandic Forest Service recommends hugging trees, not people.

An English woman accidentally wrote the word “Adidas” on herself after applying self-tanner and then putting on a pair of Adidas leggings. The logo was visible on her leg after spending time in the sun. (April 13). 

Walmart announced that demand for hair dye and razors is increasing, noting that we’re now in that “phase” of panic-buying (April 13).

A New York Governor Andrew Cuomo announced that couples in the state can now apply for marriage licenses and host wedding ceremonies virtually (April 19).

Typical to New Jersey springs, an assortment of unusual items has washed up on the beach. The jetsam includes electronic cigarette cartridges, a pair of men’s boxers, a turkey baster, plastic vampire teeth, a full jar of pickles, a pregnancy test and an empty bag which had held human remains (April 14).

Comedian Amy Schumer changed her son’s middle name to David after realizing that the child’s original name, Gene Attel Fischer, sounded like the word “genital” (April 14).

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis updated the state’s shelter-in-place order to allow WWE to continue filming without an audience (April 14).

WWE will be allowed to continue filming matches without audiences.

TV personality Martha Stewart commented on an Instagram post made by a Texas chicken farm announcing the arrival of new chicks. She wrote, “M as me sure you feed and wAter them daily And keep the heat lss as no BK in s as Nd when you can finally come back to nyc who is going to care for them??” Stewart later wrote, “What a mess I have been drinking” (April 15).

TV personality Dr. Oz apologized after suggesting that schools reopening would be an “appetizing opportunity,” because it would only “cost 2-3% in terms of total mortality” (April 17).

A Maryland town’s mayor issued a statement asking residents to remember to wear pants when getting their mail, saying “Please remember to put pants on before leaving the house to check your mailbox. You know who you are. This is your final warning” (April 17).

Nairobi Governor Mike Sonko included, among other essential food items, a bottle of Hennessey in each citizen’s COVID-19 relief package. He called the beverage “throat sanitizer” (April 17).