By Peter Melahn, Staff Writer
As we reminisce over the 2024 rendition of Oktoberfest Zinzinnati, let us take a moment to recall perhaps the most important event of the weekend: the Running of the Wieners. Here’s the official top five wieners of 2024:
A very brat shirt worn by Newswire’s friendly, neighborhood copy editor Tess Dankoski.
#5: Steve-O
Coming in at number five, we have Steve, a.k.a. Steve-O. Hailing from the great city of Louisville, Steve makes the top five due to a memorable performance in heat three. As the other nine wieners absolutely ripped down the course, Steve forgot he was in a race and just chilled at the starting line.
#4: Maybel
At number four, we’ve got Maybel. The sister of Steve had a remarkable performance in heat two. Although she did not win her heat and did not make it to the finals, we were able to interview her to ask her what her favorite part of Oktoberfest was. Here’s what she said:
Perhaps due to the assistance of her aerodynamic eyelashes, Roxie (pictured above) took third place in the 18th Annual Running of the Weiners at Oktoberfest Zinzinnati.
“Woof.”
Bronze Medalist: Roxie
Breaking the top three, we have Roxie. Her luscious stick-on lashes left us all stunned. The crowd was left in awe as the “Team Roxie” merch-clad group of bodyguards carried her down to the registration area. In an absolutely stunning performance, all 13 pounds of her absolutely tore it down the 75-foot course for a new Oktoberfest wiener running record time of 4.31 seconds. That is almost as fast as Tyreek Hill’s 40 yard dash.
Silver Medalist: Reggie
This year’s official runner—up is Reggie. Reggie’s winning performance in heat 9 is all the more impressive considering he returned to Cincinnati from Paris a few weeks ago after representing Team U.S.A. at the Olympics in Wiener Running. He was actually a flag bearer at the Opening Ceremony, but most people didn’t see him because he was really short standing next to Lebron James and his American flag was tiny. Still, Reggie’s ability to pull out back-to-back performances in both Paris and Cincinnati earned him a spot in the top two.
2024 Oktoberfest Running of the Wieners Champion of the World: Scott
And now ladies and gentlemen, your Oktoberfest Zinzinnati 2024 top winner goes to — drumroll please — Scott a.k.a. Scott the Rocket a.k.a. Wiener Usain Bolt. Three-time champion and Akron native, Scott did it again this year, to no one’s surprise. He came in as the favorite for a reason. His performance in heat four left the crowd going wild as he tore into another wiener down the straight and knocked him off the course. In the finals, he was neck-and-neck with Remington, but managed to edge him out in a photo—finish. In fact, Scott kept running and jumped over the fence into the crowd to raucous applause. He ran straight into my arms and I lifted him up into the air to the delight of the crowd, who chanted “Scott! Scott! Scott!” Scott’s performance was one for the ages. He gave us everything — drama, action, emotion. There is a reason Scott is the poster child of Oktoberfest. As fest-goers partied through the night on Sunday, the wiener made a guest appearance on the tent and got the crowd so hyped up they started a 100 person—long beer-train conga line, which wound its way through the crowd.
Just like that, another Running of the Wieners is done and dusted. 2024 did not disappoint. I think I speak for all of us when I say we’re all hungry for more wieners (and cream puffs), and very much looking forward to Oktoberfest 2025.