by A Heartbroken Xavier Fan
On Sunday, Sean Miller took his money and ran. He was lassoed in by the Texas Longhorns from the moment he professed his utmost loyalty to Xavier and set the standard for the program at Final Four heights. Leaving after just three years is one thing, but claiming to be “ALL IN” while allegedly negotiating with Texas since 2023 is a load of hogwash. Nothing the man says can be believed. Not at Arizona. Not at Texas. Not here. In fact, we’d trust the following over our ex-head coach.
Abby Lee Miller
Bonus question: Abby Lee and Sean both hail from Pittsburgh. Do you see the resemblance? Is there a chance there could be an “ALL IN” and “Dance Moms” collab at a Miller family reunion?
Benedict Arnold
Much like Texas, Britain also had zero SEC Championships. Not a basketball school.
John Hugley IV (4) connected on one of the most legendary three-pointers in program history to give Xavier a 75-74 lead on the way to its win over Texas in the First Four of the NCAA Tournament.
A Toothbrush on the Dana’s Bathroom Floor
Slimey and on the floor. Just like a snake. Which is what Sean Miller is.
Judas
Sean crucified the Xavier career of our fearless leader John “The Big Medication” Hugely.
A Kim Kardashian Marriage
Miller had two marriages with Xavier. He cheated on us with Arizona and cheated on Arizona by paying players. And we still brought him back. If it barks like a dog, looks like a dog and smells like a dog, it’s probably a dog. He started a podcast with our friends and told us we had the “best student section ever.” We were ALL IN for you, Sean. But you wouldn’t do the same.
The Onion
In their latest hilarious satire article, the Onion quoted Sean Miller as saying, “Obviously I have an amazing loyalty to Xavier.” Oh wait. He actually said that. LOL.
The DQ employee flipping your blizzard
This is actually true. I would bet my house on this.
Your friend Venmoing you back on Sunday morning
Surely you won’t remember that one extra Angry Orchard on your tab…
Picking up something you bought on Facebook Marketplace in a dark alley
The seller might kill you, but at least they won’t twist the knife like Sean.
RICHARD FREAKIN’ PITINO
We got our guy! Basketball royalty is here and we want Texas! He just beat Marquette and if anyone can take down Rick Pitino, its his son.