Please enjoy reading the following fun and educational facts – presented to you by Newswire’s Opinion & Editorials Page
Disclaimer: The following article is satire, as it was apart of an April Fool’s edition.
- A hippo’s jaw is wide enough to swallow a four-foot-tall child in one gulp.
- A Big Gulp tastes good.
- Insulin’s cheaper now.
- Gas station Narcan is gonna be a thing.
- If you keep a lighter on for more than 30 seconds, it explodes.
- Donald Trump is the first former U.S. president to be arrested.
- Traffic was bad in New York City today.
- City Council has voted to give insurance protection to Cincinnati’s potholes. Petitions to give the potholes voting rights are pending.
- The 100 folds in a chef’s hat represent the 100 ways to cook an egg.
- Eggs came first.
- Unicorns are the national animal of Scotland.
- They went extinct due to overhunting.
- D’Artangan is barred from entry into the Philippines.
- The Blue Blob’s species is listed as critically endangered by the WWE.
- No, it wasn’t an accident.
- We get paid minimum wage.
- I used to soak ant hills with a hose as a kid. Does that make me a bad person?
- Ants can smell your blood. I’m scared they can smell mine. Who’s that behind you?
- I can’t pronounce how to say the fear o the number 13.
- I voted for Her. Who did you vote for?
- You don’t have to answer that.
- A group of bunnies is called a fluffle.
- The bunny that played the Killer Rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail was a founding member of SAG-AFTRA.
- Technically, this is your editor’s two-week notice.
- You are not immune to propaganda.
- You are immune to smallpox.
- They’re not in your walls.
- Yet…
- Airlines claim you lose your taste on airplanes, but I happen to always like warm ginger ale.
- I think someone just came in behindafdh lkjsfd a
- Viva la ant.