Dearest Back Page,
You have been too good to me. The past two years have been a fever dream and passed far too quickly. I regret to inform our readers that this will be my last message as your back page editor. I must go on to do boring things like graduating a semester early, and perhaps studying for the LSAT. I hope to make you all proud as the next Elle Woods of sorts, but this one has fake ginger hair instead of bleach blonde. I also will not be getting a dog. Basically, I just like pink and the idea of law school.
Needless to say, I have a long list of people who have contributed to my career as back page editor that I must thank before I depart:
- Aidan Callaghan. The man, the myth, the legend and the mentor who trusted me enough to bestow me with the back page. I am forever grateful for his guidance, and may his comedic legacy live on through this page.
- The administration. Thank you for continuously canceling me, but ultimately never punishing me. I know you thought I was funny from time to time, you just had standards to uphold or whatever.
- The class of 2027. Wow, you guys sure gave me five minutes of fame. My name was on every other slide in that class of 2027 Snapchat story for a minute. For final clarification, I do not believe in hazing. It’s just abundantly clear that you all grew up as iPad kids. Some behavioral corrections still need to be made.
- My horoscope fans. I love you all, but I am so glad that I never have to write a horoscope again. And I must come clean to you all. I don’t believe in astrology, like, at all.
- Mo Juenger and Chloe Salveson for continuously putting up with me.
I must say, I will miss getting to share my most out-of-pocket opinions with the general student body of Xavier. I hope you will miss them just as much as I will. If I have taught you nothing else, I leave you with this: slay will never be a cheugy word. Slay will live on forever. Stop being loser commies. Be cool. Go party and stop shopping at Hot Topic. Get a little fun in the sun. Always remember my wise words of the 2023 Satire Edition: don’t post your dog on the grid, don’t wear flare leggings and crop tops and don’t forget to slay. I promise, your new back page editor will be sillier than I am. Not better of course, but sillier. I’ll teach him everything I know. This is my last xoxo as the editor. Wow, a single tear has slipped from my right eye. Bye for now, back page.
Xoxo,
Slayla