Dearest Back Page, 

You have been too good to me. The past two years have been a fever dream and passed far too quickly. I regret to inform our readers that this will be my last message as your back page editor. I must go on to do boring things like graduating a semester early, and perhaps studying for the LSAT. I hope to make you all proud as the next Elle Woods of sorts, but this one has fake ginger hair instead of bleach blonde. I also will not be getting a dog. Basically, I just like pink and the idea of law school. 

Needless to say, I have a long list of people who have contributed to my career as back page editor that I must thank before I depart: 

1. Aidan Callaghan. The man, the myth, the legend and the mentor who trusted me enough to bestow me with the back page. I am forever grateful for his guidance, and may his comedic legacy live on through this page. 
2. The administration. Thank you for continuously canceling me, but ultimately never punishing me. I know you thought I was funny from time to time, you just had standards to uphold or whatever. 
3. The class of 2027. Wow, you guys sure gave me five minutes of fame. My name was on every other slide in that class of 2027 Snapchat story for a minute. For final clarification, I do not believe in hazing. It’s just abundantly clear that you all grew up as iPad kids. Some behavioral corrections still need to be made. 
4. My horoscope fans. I love you all, but I am so glad that I never have to write a horoscope again. And I must come clean to you all. I don’t believe in astrology, like, at all. 
5. Mo Juenger and Chloe Salveson for continuously putting up with me. 

I must say, I will miss getting to share my most out-of-pocket opinions with the general student body of Xavier. I hope you will miss them just as much as I will. If I have taught you nothing else, I leave you with this: slay will never be a cheugy word. Slay will live on forever. Stop being loser commies. Be cool. Go party and stop shopping at Hot Topic. Get a little fun in the sun. Always remember my wise words of the 2023 Satire Edition: don’t post your dog on the grid, don’t wear flare leggings and crop tops and don’t forget to slay. I promise, your new back page editor will be sillier than I am. Not better of course, but sillier. I’ll teach him everything I know. This is my last xoxo as the editor. Wow, a single tear has slipped from my right eye. Bye for now, back page. 

Xoxo, 

Slayla