Tiki priests, Doom pregnancy, Ted Cruz, K-9 return, Jelly Belly, goat cop, naked golf, license plates
A college student in Vermont spent his quarantine building a fully-functioning roller coaster for his 83-year-old grandfather in their backyard. The student said the project cost approximately $1,500, is over 100 feet long and runs on gravity alone (Sept. 4).
A man stranded in New York’s Lake George was saved by a group of Catholic priests and seminarians sailing on a floating tiki bar. The maritime missionaries were on a Catholic retreat (Sept. 6).
A programmer successfully uploaded the Doom video game onto a pregnancy test. Unfortunately, the coder determined that peeing on the Icon of Sin will not accurately give medical results (Sept. 7).
A Kentucky man was pulled over and subsequently arrested after police realized his license plate was hand-drawn. “Pro Tip: Don’t forget to draw the registration sticker,” the police department posted on Facebook (Sept. 7).
Senator and Princess Bride superfan Ted Cruz (R-TX) expressed disdain on Twitter after learning that the Wisconsin Democratic Party is hosting a live-streamed script reading of the film, including many of the original actors. “Inconceivable,” Cruz said. (Sept. 7).
Norwegian research team OceanTherm is studying whether hurricanes could be prevented by pumping massive air bubbles through underwater pipelines (Sept. 7).
An 84-year-old Tokyo woman considered to be the world’s oldest porn star has announced that she will continue working when COVID-19 restrictions are lifted (Sept. 8).
A Kentucky man was arrested for stealing a K-9 pup by luring the dog with Vienna sausages. The police pooch was returned safely to the department in late August (Sept. 8).
A Georgia sheriff left her driver-side door open while delivering civil papers to a citizen and discovered a goat had jumped into the car when she returned to the vehicle. The hollow-horned hooligan ate police paperwork and knocked over the cop’s coffee (Sept. 8).
The founder of the Jelly Belly candy brand is launching a golden-ticket-style scavenger hunt in which winners receive $5,000 and one grand prize winner receives their own personal candy factory (Sept. 8).
An Alabama man stole a golf cart and drove around his city fully nude. One citizen, when asked by police to describe the buck-naked bandit, said, “Ma’am, it’s the only golf cart being driven by a naked white guy” (Sept. 8).
Denver hit 30 degrees on Wednesday after an unseasonably warm September Tuesday with a high of 101 degrees (Sept. 9).