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This category contains 385 posts

This is the advice I leave you with

By: James Hogan ~Staff Writer~ I am now four weeks away from being a college graduate. In the last four years, I more or less grew up. I should be thanking the university for the incredible opportunity I have been given or thanking professors who have shaped me into being a thoughtful citizen, but my … Continue reading

Sport management struggles

By: Kyle Tooley ~Sports Editor~ This is a story about an ignored group of people. This is a story about brave souls that have been ridiculed throughout their entire college careers. This is a story about following your heart, even when no one else believes in you. It was April of 2013, and I had … Continue reading

Free press under a Trump administration A journalist’s rising concern for the state of American media

By: Savin Mattozzi ~Staff Writer~ “Sometimes we can disagree with the facts.” This is not a satire skit, nor is it a quote from a silly movie. These were the exact words from the press secretary to the President of the United States of America when commenting on the size of the audience at the … Continue reading

Prioritize happiness and cherish the memories

By: Luke Byerly ~Managing Editor~ People expect me to tell you that Xavier is special to me because of some sappy reason that distinguishes us from other schools. The administration would probably love that, but something like that would be a lie. It would be misleading if I told you that I really love this … Continue reading

The U.S. so bombed Pluto

By: Ulysses Floyd Oregano The nuclear warhead program began in October of 1939. The first nuclear weapon test was in July of 1945, and it is the reason that the U.S. was able to end the war with Japan. That August in 1945, when the U.S. dropped the atom bomb “Little Boy” on Hiroshima, was … Continue reading

Grammer guru realizes air of weighs

By: Ellen Siefke I recently went through an existential crisis of sorts, the kind that causes you to wake up at 4 a.m. with a start. As any of my former roommates would tell you, I sleep like the dead. So what caused me to wake up so suddenly? Easy: The realization that my life’s … Continue reading

Local Zionist struggling to understand

By: Savin Mattozzi In an exclusive FakeNewswire special report, we followed local Zionist David Westfeld as he tried to learn more about this elusive and mysterious illness known as “logic.” Westfeld, a resident of Indian Hill, sat at his oak desk surrounded by Israeli flags and pictures of Netanyahu. He took a sip of his … Continue reading

An open letter to all open letters

By: Jessica Griggs An open letter to you, person who had that impact on me at that one time in my life that was actually super important: I could take the time out of my day to thank you in person, letting you know sincerely the tremendous influence that you had on the entire course … Continue reading

Do you really want my advice on this?

By: Hanna Barbera Dear Hanna Barbera, What is all the hype about Father B? He’s totally overrated. Am I missing something here? Sincerely, Low Xpectations Dear Low Xpectations, First of all, how dare you. Father B has definitely called your ungrateful ass a saint when you were dragging your hungover butt to your 8 a.m., … Continue reading

The truth behind being an RA

By: Max Bruns ~Advertising Manager~ Xavier’s office of Residence Life selects resident assistants (RAs), the position I served in, who have a genuine care and concern for others. Xavier RAs jump at the chance to serve their residents and one another. They are kind, caring, smart people who aren’t afraid to make tough decisions quickly … Continue reading