- Super bowl
Aries: This week will feel like it keeps happening over and over and over again. Groundhog’s Day much?
Taurus: You will become fast friends with the person sitting two people to your left at lunch.
Gemini: When life gives you lemons, it probably means life is going to be sour.
Cancer: Yikes, you will get stuck on the ski lift at the SAC ski trip.
Leo: Rule of thumb for this week: say yes to everything (that isn’t dangerous), especially to dessert.
Virgo: The Super Bowl is your time to shine as the nacho eating champ. Kind of a cheesy achievement!
Libra: The magic 8 ball says you should definitely not work out tomorrow (applies to all tomorrows).
Scorpio: You are financially stable enough to throw all your money into buying Crocs for every day of the week.
Sagittarius: Take a moment to stop and smell the roses; while you’re at it, smell your armpit too.
Capricorn: Take cover or you will see your shadow this Friday!
Aquarius: It’s Wednesday my dudes. Take a load off, change into your comfy clothes and shed a tear for the 379+ days since Vine ended.
Pisces: In order to feel most united with your horoscope of two fish, hydrate so you don’t die-drate.
This post was assembled by Features Editor Monica Schweiger.