Summer in review — virtual graduation edition

Bad Blathers, chicken kisses, chukjibop, Hot Pockets, reverse cowgirl, bear wrestling, banana scorpion

Adult film performer Ron Jeremy asked fans on Twitter to help him save a tree connected to his family which a New York company planned to cut down (May 18).

Animal activism group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals released a video of an in-game protest of Blathers’ museum in Animal Crossing. The advocacy group stated that snaring bugs, fish and other wildlife was unethical and stated online that Blathers was “CANCELLED” (May 20).

PETA protests Blathers’ animal museum in the video game Animal Crossing.

After outbreaks of salmonella in 32 states were linked to pet ducks and chickens, the CDC issued a guideline telling owners, “Don’t kiss or snuggle backyard poultry” (May 22).

The official state-sponsored North Korean newspaper has announced that the country’s founder, Kim Il Sung, did not have the ability of “chukjibop.” Chukjibop is a mythical version of teleportation supposedly used to advance oneself in a martial arts attack (May 22).

A Polish man faces up to a $7,300 fine after breaking into a zoo and wrestling with a bear in its enclosure. A spokeswoman for the zoo announced that the bear is physically fine but “very stressed” (May 25).

A California man broke into a Wells Fargo, not to steal any money, but to microwave his Hot Pocket. When a reporter asked him if his resulting arrest was worth it, the microwaver stated, “Was it worth it? Yeah, it was worth it.” He added later, “A Hot Pocket? Hell, yeah” (May 28). 

“Hot Pocket? Hell yeah,” a California man told reporters after his related arrest.

A Swiss sex work advocacy group has created new guidelines for safer sex during the pandemic, including utilizing the “reverse cowgirl” position in order to distance clients’ and providers’ faces during intercourse. These suggestions have not been approved by the Swiss government or proven to prevent the spread of COVID-19 (May 28).

As part of her new art gallery, musician Grimes is auctioning off a piece of her soul. The soul-piece, bound to the buyer through a legal contract, was originally valued at 10 million dollars (May 29).

A Florida high school held its graduation ceremonies on jet skis, with the principal giving students their diplomas via plastic claw grabber in order to ensure social distancing was practiced (May 31). 

A British couple brought home a bunch of bananas from the grocery store only to discover a scorpion native to Florida hiding among the fruits. One partner wrote online of the experience with the scorpion, “I even named it Simon the Scorpion and was planning on keeping it until it got out and shot across the floor. I decided I didn’t want it as a pet after that” (May 31).