Lighter Side: 9/16/2021

Wiley woolies, quarantining quarantines

  • Experts confirmed that inhaling onion fumes does not kill COVID-19, after Facebook was flooded with posts stating: “To cleanse your lungs, you need to inhale onion fumes that kill the virus” (Sept. 9).
  • Aiming high: Emma Raducanu, whose U.S. Open victory earned her $2.5 million, stated that her goal for the tournament was to win enough money to replace her lost AirPods (Sept. 12).
  • Scientists have potty-trained cows in an attempt to reduce ammonia emissions (Sept. 13).
  • Ronaldo(n’t): The Manchester United soccer team is afraid to eat dessert in front of superstar and new teammate Cristiano Ronaldo. Ronaldo is famously judgemental of unhealthy eaters (Sept. 13).
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Ronaldo, a health nut, has struck fear into the hearts of his teammates.
  • A North Carolina school with 20% of its students in COVID-19 quarantine voted to end COVID-19 quarantines (Sept. 13).
  • Bringing wooly back (yeah): A company received a $15 million grant to resurrect wooly mammoths from extinction (Sept. 13).