Not just the Florida men, but the women and the children too
Free hugs ain’t free: An elderly Florida woman was arrested for embracing strangers and pickpocketing them. Dubbed the “hugging bandit,” the woman pretended to know the elderly men she targeted and would then hug them while stealing their valuables (March 11).
The Australian government gave the Australian Women’s Network a logo that looks suspiciously like the penis emoji flanked by a pair of breasts. “You can’t unsee it,” one member of Parliament tweeted (March 13).
Kim Kardashian came under fire for claiming that “it seems like nobody wants to work these days,” regarding women’s opportunities in business. It remains to be seen whether most women can pick themselves up by their bootstraps to land reality TV deals (March 13).
A Florida woman for every Florida man: A Florida teacher was accused of biting two children over a jar of pickles. This incident, preceded by many other strange Floridian shenanigans, left onlookers wondering what’s in the water in Florida (March 13).
Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot is being sued for defamation after allegedly claiming she has “the biggest d*ck in Chicago.” A discussion about the removal of the Christopher Columbus statue, according to reports, led Lightfoot to claim “my d*ck is bigger than yours and the Italians. I have the biggest d*ck in Chicago” (March 13).
Community service: At age 77, rock legend Rod Stewart has begun to fill potholes near his estate in Essex, England. “My Ferrari can’t go through here at all,” he lamented (March 14).
A Minnesota congressional candidate proposed giving away almost all of his state to South Dakota via secession. In his bill, any county could secede from Minnesota to South Dakota. It remains to be seen whether this secession is the first step to a Star Wars prequel-era Galactic Empire of South Dakota. The Emperor Sheev Palpatine himself would be proud (March 14).