By Grace Hamilton, Opinions & Editorials Editor

The cheater is a curious figure in American culture. We hate them, sure, but we actually kind of love them. 

We actually really love them. 

It’s the myth of the American cheater. We’ll shame you when you’re caught. You can make a statement and get booed off the stage for 15 minutes. Or you can never address it at all, and historically, that’ll work better for you. 

Broadly, and personally, Americans aren’t fans of cheating. A 2022 survey from Gallup found that nine in 10 Americans think that marital infidelity is morally wrong. YouGov found that 63% of Americans who have been in a monogamous relationship have never cheated on their partner, 33% have cheated and 54% have been cheated on. 

So, we say we hate cheating, the majority of us haven’t cheated and more than half of us have actually been cheated on — so why are we a fan of the cheater? The most current and popular example is Ariana Grande. Allegedly, she has a history of — for lack of a better phrase — homewrecking other relationships, from Big Sean to Pete Davidson to her current beau Ethan Slater. 

We know this, and we love her. We’ve shamed her a bit, made fun of her Spongebob boyfriend. Yet we listened to “Yes, and?” and still anxiously await the next album drop and the movie release. We know Ethan Slater was a married man with a newborn baby. We know his wife was shocked at the suddenness of the end of her marriage. And yet, #ApologizetoAriana trended on Twitter only a few days ago. Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater cheated on their respective spouses with one another. But truly, the public response amounted to, “yes, and?” 

And Ariana Grande isn’t the only example of this. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were the picture-perfect Hollywood star couple for over a decade, and the beginning of their relationship was Pitt cheating on Jennifer Aniston with Jolie. We were mad at the time, but they made such a beautiful couple. They had such good chemistry in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. They adopted about a million children to mimic the perfect nuclear family. So, really, the cheating was worth it, wasn’t it? 

Ewan McGregor cheated on his wife of 22 years. We loved him in Kenobi. Kevin Hart cheated on his pregnant wife. The Jumanji movies are hilarious. Julia Roberts, America’s darling, while in a relationship with another actor, had an affair with a cameraman on the set of her movie The Mexican. Said cameraman, Danny Moder, was married to makeup artist Vera Steimberg at the time. When Steimberg was reluctant to sign the divorce papers ending her marriage and allowing Moder and Roberts to run off into the sunset together, Roberts wore a homemade shirt for the paparazzi with “A Low Vera” emblazoned on it, and later allegedly forced Steimberg to sign the divorce papers. 

But Moder and Roberts are happily married today, so all is well. 

Should cheaters be canceled? No. Should we boycott their films, publicly flog them, parade them naked through the streets yelling “shame” – à la Games of Thrones? Also no. People have complicated thoughts about monogamy. Not everyone believes in it or practices it, but those of us who do can no longer pretend that the American cheater is so abhorrent to us. The reality is, if you’re pretty enough or end up happily-ever-after, we don’t really care how you got there.

Maybe we should acknowledge that cultural shift. Maybe we should acknowledge a shift in our morality. Do we love the cheater when they cheat on someone else? When they cheat and end up with someone we like better? When they cheat and end up with us? 

Cheating isn’t black and white because relationships aren’t black and white, but the myth of the American cheater teaches us that no matter the means, no matter the circumstances, we only care about the end. 

The myth of the American cheater means we’ve forgotten about the cheated-on. Maybe because we haven’t seen their movies, or never even heard their names. It says something about us that we forgive those who hurt others on behalf of the people who’ve been hurt, people we don’t even know. 

What does that say about what we’re willing to do to the people we do know?