By Rory McNelley, Staff Writer

Some may be asking themselves after last Monday’s inauguration ceremony: Was this a government proceeding or a “V for Vendetta” audition?

Melania Trump’s outfit left Americans confused. Was she going for a “Men in Black” vibe, the Pizza Hut logo or a nod to Princess Diana? Either way, the ominous figure with eyes unseen under the brim of her hat stood behind Trump as he signed numerous executive orders. Some may think the hat was a mind control device—Trump is getting old after all. I found the outfit to be a tad combative and intimidating. If I were Jill Biden, I sure would be shaking in my boots.  

It seems the women connected via group chat (my guess is Snapchat) and came to an agreement for aggressive monochrome. However, Hillary refuses to unblock Melania, leading to her unfortunate exclusion. Jill, Hillary, Ivanka, Usha, Lara and Tiffany are some of many who chose the monochrome route when reviewing their closet on the morning of the 20^th.  

It seems the ladies made sure to Snap each other a fit check because none was wearing anything too similar. Jill was rocking an aggressive purple, Usha with a classy pink, Hillary went a safe route with a navy suit, and the Trump women were rocking mostly navy; Ivanka wanted to steal the show and wore a deep green. I’m sure she did not inform the group chat. Maybe that’s why there was so much whispering? 

But this wasn’t the worst of what was seen last Monday. The amount of “blavying” that occurred was terror for the eyes. For those unaware, “blavying” is wearing a combination of black and navy – a horror I know. Elon Musk showed up in a black suit with a navy tie. If only he had a wife to send him back into the closet. Though, we should be happy he didn’t rock his “occupy mars” t-shirt. On the other hand, our now- retired second gentlemen, who seemed proud of his outfit must not have listened to Kamala’s fashion advice either.   

The husbands of  Lara, Tiffany and Ivanka steered clear of a navy tie with their black suits and baby blue, red and gray, respectively. Good work boys.  

Joe Biden was able to escape the blavy epidemic, but viewers were concerned as he was missing his signature ice cream cone. Though, surviving Monday without a fall deserves to be celebrated. Maybe with a toast of Diet Coke, Donald.  

Donald and JD barely made it out alive. Wearing navy suits with black shoes was a close call, so it’s a good thing the camera cut it off. While walking in they wore long black coats. Who told them this was okay? I think we should draft an executive order. You would think Donald could afford to have the coat in navy as well. After all, there’s no difference between a wet raccoon and Donald J. Trump’s hair, right? 

It was quite a show on Monday, and it all ended with the inaugural ball. Melania decided to leave her emo attitude in the past and replace it with a white dress with black detailing. And was it Usha or Uma from Descendants? That dress seems like a jellyfish and a slew of seaweed had a baby, prematurely. If I were there, I would have told them to turn off the lights, perhaps even starting a chant.  

The children, no matter who they belong to, were the only ones whose fashion choices I truly admire. It seems they were all wearing navy. Maybe they connected via Tik Tok. Thank you, Donald. 

In conclusion, if we are already making up fake government organizations, we should throw in a fashion advisory board.