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SATIRE
By Gavin Guffey, Guest Writer
As a first-year student, one would think that it would take a long time to find things that are bothering, questionable or suspicious about their school.
However, I have already developed a good number of items that push my buttons, as have other first-years I have spoken to.
In fact, I have quickly realized that everyone on campus has developed a list of things that upset them around campus. Whether we share the same pet peeves or not is up for debate, but everyone has something at Xavier that bothers them. My personal list includes, but is not limited to:
- Microsoft Authenticator
I get it, two-factor authentication is important to ensure that no one steals my personal information. But, one would think that after weeks and months of using the same Microsoft account, on the same device, for the same apps, that Microsoft would be able to let its guard down for me to log in to my account.
Microsoft Authentication purposely has made accessing Outlook harder than finding a parking spot in R1.
It seems quite the opposite of security that if someone were to steal my phone, they would be able to complete the two-factor authentication by simply switching apps. The only thing I can imagine that would stop them would be if this hypothetical thief also shared the same frustration as Xavier students when it comes to Authenticator.
- Heavy doors
About a week ago, as I was walking out of the Health United Building (HUB) with a friend, I opened the large door and struggled to get it open. Sure enough, when we reached the second door, my friend also struggled to open it. I quickly made a remark that “people on campus go to the HUB acting as if the real workout isn’t opening the doors to the building,” and we shared a good laugh as we agreed that the doors were way too heavy for no reason.
At first, I thought nothing of it, labeling our door-opening struggles because of a fatiguing workout, but I soon began to wonder: Why are so many doors on campus so heavy? What is within these doors that is making them so difficult to open?
Some notable locations of heavy doors include: the HUB, Gallagher Student Center, The Caf, Alter Hall and more. Upon further thought, the better question is probably, “Where can you find a light door on campus?”
- People Complaining About The Caf
Maybe not at the top of other people’s biggest list of pet peeves, but it bothers me when people complain about The Caf. The Caf includes many options for everyone.
I have found plenty of things that I would eat at The Caf daily, and I eat there three times a day. People who complain about the food simply are picky eaters. What are you expecting at college, an all-you-can-eat buffet of your favorite fast-food places? All employees in The Caf work hard to prepare meals for students to enjoy and we should be appreciative of that.
Whether or not you like the Caf food, we can all come together and agree Ms. Reece’s pancakes are the best.
At the end of the day, everyone has their own pet peeves at Xavier. We may have different things that upset us, but we are all trying to get through life together. One Microsoft log in, one ridiculously heavy door and one Caf meal at a time.
