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SATIRE
By Hannah Wolke, Digital Communications Manager
Some of us might wonder, with the political and pop culture climate of the world right now, what would happen if all of a sudden we did not have to go to school and work anymore because there was a deadly, contagious flu adjacent virus going around?
What would COVID-26 be like?
There would definitely be mandatory statements from President Donald Trump. He would talk about how awful it is that all the people are dying. Then, 67 seconds later, he would stare out the window to look at the cute squirrels playing in the front yard in front of the peaceful protesters wanting some better healthcare. He even might let a shart slip out to show his sympathy.
Speaking of healthcare, there would be people posting more GRWMs and talking about how they think they got COVID because ChatGPT told them so.
The Shane Dawson pizza conspiracy theory is one of the main reasons why Covid-19 is resurfacing as Covid-26.
There surely would be conspiracies posted on YouTube as they were in 2020, but they would be 10 times shorter because everyone’s attention span has decreased even more. Maybe Shane Dawson would just post on Reels and explain how the Chuck E Cheese pizza created Covid.
As for social media, lots of people would be bored at home, so I think that random yapping videos would take over TikTok, at least on my For Your Page.
AI would use TikTok to skyrocket more accounts like that Crandell High School kid talking about his favorite and least favorite high school teachers. It would be on the rise at every school. It would be like devious licks all over again.
The new “Stranger Things” and “Heated Rivalry” would be all people watch and if you think the TikTok’s are bad now, they would be 10 times crazier. We would be glued to our phones and iPads.
2016 is making a comeback just like Covid-26 is!
2016 and Zara Larsson music would take over the pandemic summer like crazy. It would be like VSCO girls, but the filters from 2016 would be what we as elders would remember most from COVID-26.
At the end of the day, there still are Covid-19 cases currently, and if it had started in early 2026 who’s to know what would happen.I do know that there would be a lot of TikToks made, sourdough loaves curated and a lot of fire. Maybe the world would end in a “Hunger Games” type vibe.
Maybe Covid in 2026 would be caused by Tylenol. Worldwide chaos with a disease would send Gen-X moms down Instagram Reel rabbit holes trying to figure out if those bunnies are AI or not. COVID-26 would be quite crazy, that is for sure.
