Advice: Be the fisherman

By: Sara Ringenbach

People say in dating, men are the fishermen and women are the fish. Well, I am no fish, and ladies, you don’t have to live your life being pre-sushi either. People say that if women are more dominant in dating, they will usurp the conventional masculine role which will create a rift in the biological genome that has dictated evolutionary mating methods over millennia. However, if biotechnology can advance enough to 3D print organs and perform face transplants, I think a girl can make the first move without wiping the future of our species into extinction.

Yes, I’ve received dating advice: “Don’t chase after guys, let them pursue

Sara Ringenbach is a staff writer at the Newswire. She is a junior theatre major from Cincinnati.

you” or “You can’t force these things, they happen on their own.” Well, I’m an impatient person who is very okay with forcing things into fruition.

My favorite advice came from my professor. She said to trick the guy and establish complete mental domination without him knowing. I tried this, and now I am happily married with four children. Nope. Still single.

Dating rules lie somewhere between a chess match and a straitjacket. You’re stifling every crazy impulse to adhere to obscure commandments and vanilla-izing your personality to appeal to your crush. If you change yourself to get the guy, you’re telling yourself that being appealing to him is more important than being who you are.

“Don’t text him,” says every magazine. Why not? Text him! I’ve had conversations where the text ratio was 246:1.

He might be into it, or not. There’s the misconception that if you’re true to yourself, a happily ever after will follow. But rejection exists when you fake it and when you’re authentic.

So break the rules. I’ve slept in a dude’s bed without him knowing, stalked a guy at his workplace in a blue wig, changed majors to be in class with a cute boy, signed a guy up for an online subscription to “Fancy Otters” and got dumped for showing too much leg hair.

But I’m sure we’ve all been there.