By: Ivan Reitman ~Concerned Friend~

After having so much success with the coaching staff of the men’s basketball team across the past two seasons, Xavier athletics is attempting to emulate that success in other sports.

The women’s basketball team has hired Michael Aykroyd, son of Ghostbusters star Dan Aykroyd, as an assistant coach for the program. However, the hires didn’t stop there, with Sigourney Weavers’ daughter Michelle assisting the golf team, Harold Ramis’ son Eugene assisting the volleyball team and Rick Moranis’ daughter Lauren assisting the soccer team.

“Luke Murray has done such an excellent job as an assistant coach that we assumed it had to be something about the family he comes from,” Athletic Director Greg Christopher, Xavier said about Bill Murray’s son in a press release. “We figured that the children of Ghostbusters stars must be the missing part of the equation for the success of our other programs.”

Michael Aykroyd, 33, has no background in basketball whatsoever. After a failed stage acting career, the New Jersey native has worked in pharmaceutical sales for the past seven years. He assumed the job offer was a joke when it first came across his desk.

Michelle Weaver, 29, played on her junior varsity golf team in high school before eventually being cut. She still plays the occasional round of golf with business clients, as she has worked as a marketing coordinator for a private firm in New York since graduating from college. She describes her golf game as “sporadic” and “inconsistent.”

Eugene Ramis, 37, has no communication with his father and feels that this hire is a giant mishap.

“I know what they are trying to do,” Eugene said in a press release. “If they think that I’m going to coach volleyball and have my dad show up to the games wearing a Xavier hat, they are sorely mistaken.”

Lauren Moranis, 22, is actually still a college student herself. She attends the University of Connecticut, majoring in business analytics. She plays intramural soccer on the weekends and made it to the semifinal round of the sorority league last fall.

Time will tell how these hires will impact Xavier athletics, but if they are remotely close to what Luke Murray has done for the basketball program, it could be one of the best moves in college sports across the past decade.