Photo courtesy of Silence of the Mom | Online Editor Trever McKenzie argues that chasing after someone’s love isn’t romantic or healthy.
I find, more often than not, that romance movies perpetuate the idea that it’s romantic to chase after someone you’re attracted to, even if that person has repeatedly failed to show interest in you. I disagree, and I think it’s worth noting just how truly harmful it can be to obsess over someone who doesn’t put forth the same effort as you.
I end up in these types of situations a lot. One guy I dated told me we had a wonderful first date, and he then proceeded to never speak to me again. I pined over what caused him to behave this way for several days, trying to figure out the whole situation. Where did I go wrong? Where did he go wrong? What could we have done better?
What eventually halted my deliberations was the realization that my effort was in vain. I asked myself why I cared about how I could have saved the relationship if he didn’t care to be in one from the beginning. I told myself that I shouldn’t exert more effort thinking about the issue than he did. If ghosting me was an easy choice for him, then getting over him should’ve been just as easy of a choice for me.
I think my disagreement with the notion of “chasing is romantic” stems from a lack of belief in exerting your emotional energy for someone who won’t give the same in return. I don’t think anyone should push themselves to be proactive if the other person doesn’t return their feelings almost immediately. There is too little time in life to try and win the heart of someone who doesn’t want their heart to be a prize to win.
You are a valuable person, and if someone doesn’t appreciate your value, then they aren’t worth your effort. No matter how infatuated you are with any person, you should never waste your time pursuing someone who doesn’t want your presence. You especially shouldn’t pursue someone who views you as a person worth only one night or one date together. If you feel like you’re putting in a lot of effort to win someone over, and it’s not returning results that you can write home about, then you should move on to someone who will give you those results.
Is this philosophy easier said than done? Of course it is. We all want what we can’t have. However, it’s necessary to recognize your own value and acknowledge when that value is being ignored. You should never chase after the person who runs away. The person who values you and wants your company as their partner is the person who runs toward you.
Trever McKenzie is a junior theatre and communication studies double major and the Online Editor for the Newswire from Higginsport, Ohio.