Aprils Fools

FC noise complaint

Opera singers disrupt FC stadium construction


Just last Tuesday, an ensemble of choristers and opera singers gathered in protest outside of FC Cincinnati’s newly constructed stadium, causing a noise complaint to be filed by the surrounding neighborhoods.

The singers voiced their complaints about the proximity of the new stadium to the well-established Music Hall with brilliant coloratura and intricate harmonies as they stood just outside the stadium’s doors.

They sang famous operatic arias, duets and choir numbers to show just how furious they were, having realized the impact FC Cincinnati’s noise may have on Music Hall’s performances.

In the warm sunlight of mid-morning, these divas took to the sidewalks, clamoring with resplendent fury during this impromptu “concert,” accompanied by a full orchestra.

There were around sixty irate opera singers warbling in front of the stadium —causing confusion akin to migrating birds, had they made an early return to Cincinnati.

Lila Ricci, an operatic mezzo-soprano and self-proclaimed diva extraordinaire, said that the performance “showcased our talent on and off the stage.”

Yet another soprano, Christina Farfallone, added that she believes the opera singers “Must stand up for what we believe in, using our loud voices to do so. Down with crazy soccer fans!”

“Down with this ugly stadium drowning out our beautiful music with the horrible sports-induced noises,” she said.

Though the singing protest went off without a hitch, it did not fail to leave a mark on the neighborhood. Many inhabitants of the area were left stunned by the protest. One disgruntled gentleman, Gordon Lolligog, remarked that the singers were “just a bunch of leftist snobs fighting over a dying art form,” while another, Harry Bismarck von Risotto, said that he “heard the singers on my morning commute” and that they “sounded pretty nice.”

While this is the first incident of its kind in Cincinnati, cities across the continental U.S. have witnessed similar uprisings of their opera singers, solidifying the long-standing antipathy between sports and art.

Though the FC Cincinnati stadium seems to be here to stay for now, one agreement has been made: Opera singing is the perfect form of protest.


By: Rosa Fiodeñoz | The Arts Are No Joke