“The Weirdest, Wackiest and Wildest News of the Week!”

Rat heroism award, Steven Stamkos, Zoom boob, pumpkin vice

Kraft has announced that they will be releasing a “Pumpkin Spice Mac ‘n Cheese” in the U.S., leading some Twitter users to respond hostilely. “I favor exile for anyone who serves this to friends or family,” tweeted popular indie band The Mountain Goats (Sept. 24). 

An Argentinian lawmaker was suspended after accidentally leaving his Zoom camera on while kissing his partner’s breast. He cited that she had recently had a breast implant augmentation, and he was simply checking to see how she was recovering (Sept. 24). 

The People’s Dispensary for Sick Animals, a U.K. charity, awarded its highest honor to a rat for the first time in its history. The African giant pouched rat has been trained to sniff out landmines in Cambodia, and has made over 1.5 million square feet safe again (Sept. 25). 

A Florida family erroneously called 911 after hearing their neighbors scream, “Shoot! Shoot!” The neighbors were cheering on Steven Stamkos in the third match of the Stanley Cup (Sept. 25). 

The Doobies Brothers sued Bill Murray for using their song without authorization for his golf apparel company (Sept. 27). 

The Ohio Republican Party pulled an ad against state Rep. Phil Robinson stating that he had been sued over unpaid debts. Robinson was quick to alert press that the actual debt-dodger was a different man with the same name (Sept. 28). 

A Utah pumpkin-growing association broke a state record after it was announced that they grew eight pumpkins weighing over 1000 pounds each. The state’s most gigantic gourd weighed in at a whopping 1,825 pounds. (Sept. 28). 

A U.K. wildlife park had to separate five new parrots after visitors complained that the birds were swearing at them (Sept. 29). 

An independent court ruled that Subway’s bread is legally too sugary to meet the standard definition of “bread” (Sept. 30). 

Fat Bear Week began on Sept. 30, and will continue until Oct. 6, when the Fattest Bear will be elected by vote on explore.org. The Newswire Editorial Staff is proud to announce that, for the first time ever, they will be endorsing a fat bear to win this year’s competition. Newswire’s choice for Fattest Bear 2020 is Otis, an older bear with a floppy right ear, two missing teeth and a penchant for jacuzzis. (Oct. 1).