A California woman was accidentally issued a Real ID from her local Department of Motor Vehicles with an unfortunate oversight: her ID photo showed her wearing a face mask (Feb. 17).
A Florida man claimed he became lost en route to a concert and found himself naked in a crocodile-infested swamp. Police suspect that the man was actually trying to flee the state after removing his parole-prescribed ankle monitor (Feb. 18).
An Alaska woman was bit on the butt by a black bear as she was using an outhouse. Wildlife officials determined that the bear had been using the outhouse’s sewage drain as a den for hibernation (Feb. 19).
An Alaska woman had her haunches chomped by a bear in an outhouse.
Officers in an Ohio bomb squad were pleased to discover that a suspicious package did not contain a bomb, but instead a litter of newborn kittens. An accompanying note clarified that the cats’ mother’s name was Sprinkles (Feb. 19).
A U.K. man raised over $1,000 for testicular cancer research by running paths in the shape of penises. He uses a pedometer app to document his path, uploads them to social media and encourages followers to join in on the phallic philanthropy (Feb. 22).
Pakistani police have deployed a new brigade of officers sporting rollerblades. The department hopes that the skating sherrifs will curb street crime (Feb. 22).
A U.K. man received an unpleasant surprise in his HelloFresh meal delivery box: a Coke bottle full of urine. After the man posted about the bottle, the company apologized on Twitter, saying, “We truly lack the words to describe how sorry we are” (Feb. 22).
Customs officials seized 44 pounds of bran cereal coated in cocaine at a Cincinnati port of entry. Experts estimated that the pharmaceutical flakes are worth over $2.5 million (Feb. 22)
Customs officers discovered a shipment of cocaine-coated bran flakes.
Illinois legislators are trying to ban the video game Grand Theft Auto after a significant increase in teenagers committing carjackings in Chicago (Feb. 23).
A Cincinnati man faces charges after leading police on a high-speed chase while driving a salt truck. Police accused the man of spraying their vehicles with salt as he attempted to flee via Reading Road (Feb. 23).
Priced at a cool $4.5 million, a large ranch that borders the extraterrestrially-infamous Area 51 is now up for sale (Feb. 23).
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