The Lighter Side

Hefeweizen heist, safety dances, orbisculation, glory holes

A Trivago poll found that 38% of Americans would give up sex for one year if it meant they could travel safely during the pandemic (Feb. 23). 

Canadian foodies have complained that their country’s supply of butter is much harder and less spreadable than it’s been in previous years. Dubbing the controversy “Buttergate,” scientists are linking the margarine mystery to increased presence of palmitic oils in the product (Feb. 24).

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Canadians are dubbing a hard-butter conspiracy theory “Buttergate.”

The University of Michigan Library was forced to close for two days after three venomous spiders were discovered in the basement (Feb. 25). 

Martha Stewart shared that her only “big regret” was not being able to host Saturday Night Live, as her parole officer wouldn’t permit it. “That really pissed me off,” the television personality said (Feb. 25). 

New York — not the town from Footloose — established guidelines on how its residents can dance. The announcement dictates that attendees of large gatherings can dance, as long as they are socially-distanced and establish “zones” to minimize interactions with strangers (Feb. 26). 

An Australian grandmother fought back after a man snatched her purse outside of a pub. The woman ran after the thief, put him in a headlock, grabbed her purse and calmly walked back into the bar (Feb. 26). 

A Boston family is trying to honor their late dad in a unique way: by petitioning Merriam-Webster to add “orbisculate” to the dictionary. The word, which describes what happens when fruit juice squirts on you, was invented by Neil Krieger, who passed away this year from COVID-19 (Feb. 27). 

Three breweries began aging 185 gallons of artisanal beer on the ocean floor several months ago. They were shocked to discover that the barrels of brew had been stolen by a team of divers. Argentinian police have been notified and are searching for the lager larcenists (Feb. 27). 

The California Medical Board is investigating after a plastic surgeon attended a livestreamed traffic court appearance while in the middle of surgery (Feb. 28).

The Canadian Center for Disease Control has recommended that residents use “glory holes” or other barriers that minimize physical contact during sex to prevent the spread of COVID-19 (March 1). 

An Alabama woman was charged with a felony after she stole a neighbor’s goat, painted the animal and posted pictures on social media of the crime (March 1). 

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An Alabama woman painted her neighbor’s goat and now faces a felony.