Corresponding candidates, literary litigation

• The Satanic Temple has joined the legal battle against the Texas abortion law, arguing that its members should be exempt due to religious reasons (Sept. 4).

• Japanese police have arrested a man who is suspected of stealing more than 700 pieces of women’s underwear from laundromats (Sept. 5).

• A British right-wing extremist has been ordered to read classical literature or face prison. Sources have yet to confirm whether the defendant will be required to drink a nice cup of tea while reading (Sept. 5).

• A lawyer defending a man accused of stealing Viagra stated that his client is “not a hardened criminal” (Sept. 5). 

• Battle of the Boris: Three men named Boris Vishnevskys, who appear to be nearly identical, are running for the same St. Petersburg district seat (Sept. 6). 

• Lil Uzi Vert has accused fans of ripping a $24 million diamond out of his forehead. “I jumped into the crowd and they kind of ripped it out,” he said (Sept. 7).