• Breakfast Wars, Episode I: In a daring move, Mexico has seized 380,000 boxes of Kellogg’s cereal, including Corn Flakes and Special K (Jan. 14).
• Seeking “a break” from her husband, a woman faked her own kidnapping from a Domino’s Pizza restaurant (Jan. 14). 
• Two innovative Englishmen utilized baked bean tins to smuggle $340,000 worth of cocaine. The men, being grossly English, probably put the beans on toast prior to the smuggling operation (Jan. 15).
• Ginger protection program: An English human rights activist called for enhanced protections for people with red hair. It remains to be seen whether people with red hair truly deserve human rights (Jan. 15).