The Lighter Side

Musk, maniacal mayors, Macarena, Metamates and Minecraft

Netflix told subscribers that its higher prices are not “price increases,” but rather “price updates.” Sources say that the Newswire staff is seeking salary updates, too (Feb. 14). 

Tesla recalled 500,000 vehicles for a new “Boombox” feature that makes fart and goat noises while driving. Elon Musk blamed the “fun police” for the recall (Feb. 14).

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Musk called regulators “fun police” for nixing fart noises on his cars.

The Hudson, Ohio mayor, famous for arguing that ice shanties would lead to prostitution, has resigned — perhaps due to the Lighter Side putting him on blast last week (Feb. 14). 

A London Metropolitan Police commander who wrote anti-drug laws has resigned for taking LSD, cannabis and magic mushrooms while vacationing in France (Feb. 14).

An obnoxious passenger on an American Airlines flight was hit over the head by a coffee pot after attempting to enter the cockpit. “A flight attendant ran to the back of the plane and got the coffee pot and continues to bash the guy on the head,” a witness reported (Feb. 14). 

In possibly the most American move ever, the Idaho Potato Commission has created a perfume which smells like french fries (Feb. 14). 

New Zealand has cleared away anti-lockdown protestors by playing the ‘90s tune “Hey, Macarena” on loop (Feb. 14).

A Russian teenager was sentenced to five years in prison after his history of blowing up buildings on Minecraft was used as evidence against him in a vandalism trial (Feb. 14).

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A Russian court used a teen’s Minecraft history against him in a trial.

2 Meta 4 Me: Facebook employees are going to be called Metamates (Feb. 16).

Seeking better lives and opportunities, thousands of Russians have been crossing the Mexican border with the U.S.  These Russians, fleeing governmental persecution, feel that Europe is too close to Russia. They have journeyed to the Americas instead  (Feb. 16). 

Parliamentarians in Singapore were alarmed by Workers’ Party Chair Sylvia Lim’s insinuations that parliamentarians were being forced to seek official permission to use the bathroom during debates. Singapore denied her claims (Feb. 16).

President Joe Biden placed a dead dog on a Republican voter’s doorstep in his early days as a politician. “(A woman) called me and said: ‘There’s a dead dog on my lawn… I want it out of my front yard.’ I put it (the dog) on her doorstep. But I’ve gotten much better since then,” Biden stated (Feb. 16).