DISCLAIMER: THIS PIECE IS SATIRE, WRITTEN FOR OUR APRIL FOOL’S EDITION, AND IT IS NOT BASED ON TRUE EVENTS.

• Spiderman: No Way Home stars Zendaya and Tom Holland have announced their engagement (March 24).
• Boy band One Direction has announced their return to the stage as a group (March 25).
• Kylie Jenner officially changed her son’s name from Wolf to Moon Unit (March 26).
• Top-rated series Euphoria announced Season 3 is projected to be released in 2030 (March 27).
• Lorde toured Xavier in her college search (March 28). 
• Gamer boy Hunter E11is loses American Idol in the season finale (March 30).