By Whinn A. Toney

DISCLAIMER: THIS PIECE IS SATIRE, WRITTEN FOR OUR APRIL FOOL’S EDITION, AND IT IS NOT BASED ON TRUE EVENTS.

In the newest attempt at stunt casting, renowned Broadway musical Hamilton has decided to bring in former Alaska governor Sarah Palin to play the titular role of Alexander Hamilton.  

Once the talk of the Broadway scene, Hamilton has seen a recent decline in ticket sales following their mandatory vaccine and mask policy. 

The show’s earlier target audience had been more liberal-leaning, but as leftists remain in their households to protect the public from possible exposure, conservatives have decided to resume their travels and flood the streets of Broadway. 

In an effort to appease their newest demographic, the Hamilton creative team decided to reach out to a beacon of American conservatism: Palin. 

In a conversation with Lin-Manuel Miranda, the original actor in the role, he encouraged the casting. Miranda noted that it was an “interesting choice,” given the show’s emphasis on diversity and Palin’s previous platform standings. 

Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, shared his support for the casting.

“Sarah Palin has always stood for the idea that women can be in any position historically filled by a man, and she has proven that this does not just apply to healthcare or politics but Broadway as well,” Cruz said. “My only problem with this shindig is that it will be playing in the wasteland of New York and not the cultural haven of Texas.”

Many Hamilton fans have expressed concern for this creative decision, worrying  it will take away from the historical authenticity of the musical. Famous Hamilton stan Barack Obama decried the decision. 

“Palin is a far cry from the appropriate casting of Hamilton. She should go back to Alaska where she belongs,” Obama said.

When asked to comment, Palin muttered several expletives and racially-motivated comments. She also claimed that the musical had already taken many creative liberties and encouraged fans to truly consider what “appropriate casting” should be.  

Additionally, Palin will use her time in the role to prove to the American people through songs like “My Shot” that gun control is a fantastical and unnecessary notion when it comes to American safety. 

Palin is set to make her debut in the leading role later this month. She will only be in the starring role for a short eight-week period. 

During this brief stint, her next show Palin: The Musical will be in development. In this, she will play the pivotal role of Bristol Palin, the eldest of the Palin daughters. 

When asked why she would not be playing herself, she replied: “I am too young for that role.” 

Those interested in purchasing tickets should sign up for the Republican Party’s newsletter, which is currently running a promotional campaign for ticket sales. 

If one thing is for certain, she certainly isn’t throwing away her shot again.