By Morgan Miles, Staff Writer
Narcolepsy has gifted me with the innate superpower to fall asleep in less than one minute. Therefore, I find myself personally responsible for reporting the best places to sleep on campus.
I’ve slept on the walk to Kennedy Auditorium, in basically every Alter classroom, on many comfortable floors; I’m certified in Xavier sleepology. For further credibility, I’ve included peer-reviewed sleeping spots and statistical data in the form of star ratings.
Whether you’re napping on campus intentionally or unintentionally, these are the best places to take a nap.
Tree Hammock: 3/5 Stars
Peer Reviewed by: Jess Vignocchi, Alaina Francel
Location: You, two trees and a hammock in the yard.
Noise rating: 3/5. You know what kind of student traffic to expect sleeping in the yard and should have a high tolerance for noise. But any campus tours or spontaneous SAC events occurring will ruin the relaxing experience.
Environment rating: 3/5. You don’t want the tranquil vibes of the yard to be corrupted by girls trying to tan. Even if you scope out the area before you set up, you’re taking a big risk as summer approaches. Luckily, the yard is big, and there’s room to distance yourself from everyone else.
Comfortability: 3/5. This is completely dependent on the weather. The hammock, the vibes, the noise can be perfect, but the gusts of Cincinnati wind are nightmare fuel and certain to ruin one’s nap.
Would I sleep here again? Yes, specifically in the late afternoon when there’s a few groups outside enjoying themselves but not bothering anyone; that brief moment of escaping from the fact that I have six assignments to finish before midnight.
Alter Hall Third Floor Honors Lounge: 5/5 Stars
Peer Reviewed by: Morgan Miles
Location: Specifically a certain chair in the corner, next to the bookcase.
Noise Rating: 4.5/5. It’s almost always silent; everyone has the same vibe of either waiting for class or forcing themselves to be here to get work done. The only pet peeve I have is when someone walks into the room and leaves because one person is in there… Are you too afraid to sit across an entire room from me?
Environment Rating: 4/5. It’s always comfy, studious, slight aura of pretentiousness. It’s always comfy in the Honors Lounge. There’s windows, so you can look down at people or listen or shut them and enjoy the sun instead. It’s very studious, probably because of the haughty furniture, which I like because it makes me feel safe. No one in here has the gull to steal my stuff. There’s a slight aura of pretentiousness, but as a Philosophy, Politics and the Public major, I soak that up.
Comfortability: 5/5. The chairs? They’re the perfect size to curl up on, soft enough to lean back into and the perfect shape so you’re not craning your neck or folding yourself to fit. Also, they’re next to an outlet, so you can scroll and lounge at the same time.
Would I sleep here again? I do it every day. Please don’t take my chair MWF from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m., thanks.
CLC Fourth Floor Red Chairs: 3.5/5 stars
Peer Reviewed by: Sooyeon Lim
Location: Situated in the corner to the left, just in front of the stairs.
Noise rating: 3.5/5. Passing periods can be busy, but you can avoid most people if you sleep here in the late afternoon.
Environment rating: 4/5. In a corner, tight, not heavily populated. People can see you sleeping, but honestly, at this point shouldn’t we all embrace sleeping whenever, wherever we get the chance?
Comfortability: 4.5/5. The red chair is comfy, and you can use another chair to rest your legs on.
Would I sleep here again? Yes, I trust Sooyeon’s passionate peer review with my life. It’s apparently also a good place to do homework and eat dinner. However, it’s out of the way, so if you’re lazy (or efficient) like me you wouldn’t visit often.
Arrupe Overlook: 4/5 stars
Peer Reviewed by: Daisy Philips
Location: Gallagher Student Center (GSC) first floor. Its got big open windows which is nice until it gets a little hot when the sun is glaring.
Noise Rating: 5/5. Arrupe is the quiet among the chaos of GSC workers switching the radio from “Country Roads” to Big Time Rush, fighting over whether to blast it or make all your favorite songs barely audible.
Environment rating: 5/5. It’s a pretty room, nice view (especially at sunset).
Comfortability: 3.5/5. Arrupe takes a hit because it definitely has the couches we use in Justice Hall, and that’s not a good thing. But they are tolerable, and if you’re shorter (5’1” and under), the couches are the perfect size. Very inclusive of Xavier to do that.
Would I sleep here again? Yes.