By Audrey Elwood, Arts & Entertainment Editor

Aries: Lassina Traore

You were done before you could even start this academic season. Yes, bio med is too hard. Switch to a marketing major. 

Taurus: Brad Colbert

You would look better with a mullet, point blank period. 

Gemini: Desmond Claude

You leave when things get hard. 

Cancer: Dayvion McKnight

You are loyal to your team. You are underrated, but you can be a weapon when you are used correctly. 

Leo: John Hugley IV

You are the moment. You are the star of the show. Keep up the great work, babes! 

Virgo: Sean Miller

Coaches don’t play. Stay on the sidelines this cuffing season. 

Libra: Dailyn Swain

Your smile is so shiny, it blinds your opponents on the court. 

Scorpio: Henry Thole

Nobody knows what to expect out of you. I can’t even write something about you because I just don’t know. 

Sag: Bob Nunge

People solely refer to you as your last name because of your brother, and you’re ok with that. 

Capricorn: Jerome Hunter

You are an overachiever, constantly setting the bar high – except for with your Spanish quiz this week. Don’t worry, even the best players get injured for a season. 

Aquarius: Marcus Foster

You have first-year energy, despite being way too old for that.

Pisces: Student Managers

You’re at your best during the pregame, but you’re not made for the game. Halloweekend was not made for you.