Nicki and Trump Are Two Super Freaky Girls

SATIRE

By Giulia Gutzwiller, Arts and Entertainment Editor

Rapper and pop culture icon Nicki Minaj used to just have a Republican doctor – now, after calling herself “the president’s No. 1 fan,” she seemingly has a new Republican bestie. 

Since the news broke, Minaj has faced backlash across social media platforms, especially from her loyal following of Barbz. What people do not know is that she has not betrayed her beloved Barbz by switching political parties; she is simply out for revenge. 

While Minaj was raised in New York City, she is originally from Trinidad and Tobago and has lived in the U.S. for decades without legal citizenship. 

“You would think that with the millions of dollars that I’ve paid in taxes to this country that I would have been given an honorary citizenship many, many, many thousands of years ago,” Minaj said during a TikTok livestream in 2024.

After President Donald Trump recently launched his new gold card, a fast way for wealthy immigrants to become legal citizens, Minaj came up with a plan. Her anaconda don’t want none unless she is taking down the president in the process. 

A performer sitting on stage, passionately singing into a microphone, with a background featuring the American flag.
Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
This is the NEW Nicki Minaj flag that girls can hang up in their dorm rooms. This one shows a more passionate, patriotic Nicki at her favorite TPUSA event!

Upon their first meeting, the pair instantly hit it off. Trump appreciated Minaj’s welcome gift, which was a pink American flag with her picture in the center. Her plan was already in full throttle. 

Instead of a traditional citizenship test, Minaj recited this verse from her hit song “Beez In The Trap” to earn herself a gold card: 

“Man, I’m out in Texas, man, I’m out in A-town

Then I’m up in Chi-town or Miami shuttin’ it down

It’s that New Orleans, it’s LA or The Bay

It’s New York, Philly, and the whole DMV

I’m a Detroit player, man, it’s North-South Cack

Ohio, Pittsburgh, got St. Louis on deck

It’s Delaware, Connecticut, it’s New Jersey got hella bricks

It’s Queens, Brooklyn, and yeah, they wildin’

Bronx, Harlem, and Staten Island”

“I’m impressed she was able to name every U.S. state in one verse. Not even the amazing Kid Rock can do that. She’s worthy of my gold card,” Trump said. 

A man wearing a pink and white cap labeled 'BARB' holds a pink sign that reads 'WOMEN FOR TRUMP.' He is standing in front of a plain background.
Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Trump is one of the girls now and a certified Barb!

When the reporters and Secret Service agents were not paying attention, Minaj started the next phase of her plan by placing some “Pills N Potions” into Trump’s hands. The contents of these substances remain unknown, but she’s a “Super Freaky Girl,” so it could be literally anything. 

Without questioning her, he willingly ingested them and carried on as usual. Maybe he thought it was another welcome gift. All she had to do now was sit back and wait. 

A few days later, an Oval Office event was cut short after Trump pooped his pants on camera. Reporters were rushed out of the room because the stench was unbearable. The video clip went viral on social media, with many online users questioning if it was too good to be true. 

Minaj made revenge great again with this impressive stunt that took the nation by storm, and no one suspected her involvement. She truly did it on ‘em.

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