Aprils Fools

SERIES: A White girl’s guide to embracing privilege

Photo courtesy of Brittany Wells


I’m tired of conversations about privilege. I can’t help the life I was born with, and I certainly don’t owe anyone anything just because I was born this way.

Being White or being Black doesn’t matter. We’ve had a Black president who fought for Black people, and I was respectful then, but now that President Trump is in office fighting for my family, I can’t even support him without Social Justice Warriors attacking me. Racism is over: There are laws that help minorities take my jobs, scholarships and spots at colleges.

I worked really hard to get where I am in life, and so did my parents. Both of my parents worked to get out of poverty to get where they are, and their race didn’t have anything to do with that hard work paying off and being taken seriously.

I’m more than just my privilege label. I’m colorblind, I donate to Salvation Army every Christmas and I hate the sin not the sinner. I’m a good person, and I make up for my privilege that way. I developed 15 tips to help you be a good privileged person just like me.

Here’s my White Girl’s Guide to Privilege!

  1. When you wake up in the morning, don’t think twice about whether or not a hoodie will get you shot.
  2. When you go to eat breakfast, don’t worry about where the next meal is coming from.
  3. When you go to class, don’t bother trying too hard to focus or remember what the teacher is saying. You’ll get by without much effort to pay attention.
  4. When meeting up with your significant other, hold hands and kiss in public without concern for how that might impact your career or social life.
  5. When you’re hanging out in your grandparents’ backyard over the weekend talk on the phone in the peace and quiet.
  6. When walking in your neighborhood, wear your religious garb to share your faith with your friends.
  7. When giving a presentation, don’t have all of the facts and figures to back up your claims on hand — no one is going to question your credibility anyway!
  8. When you need to buy something from the store while traveling, walk right in and shop at an unfamiliar gas station without worrying about your safety or being able to navigate the room without help from someone who isn’t visually impaired.
  9. When applying for colleges, just go to your guidance counselor for help, she’s got plenty of experience and time to assist you.
  10. When applying for a job, write your real name in big, bold, proud cursive! Brittany is such a beautiful White name.
  11. Don’t vote for anything with any semblance to Obamacare. You don’t need insurance because you actually work and have a job. Other people should just work and have a job like you.
  12. Ask other people to change for you. If someone’s accent bothers you, tell them they need to learn English if they want to live in America.
  13. If you don’t like a certain group of people, just send your children to private schools where all the other children look like yours.
  14. If you don’t understand something about another group of people, just ask one of them to tell you how the whole group of them feels about something.
  15. Most important of all, make sure everyone knows that being privileged doesn’t mean you didn’t work hard!

Brittany Wells is a first-year Montessory for rockin ur world major from Cincinnati. She had a nightmare about racial profiling last night.