Features: “Top 5 Caf Cookies” and Horoscopes – 2/13/19

Comic by Evana Dias

Top 5 caf cookies

Ah, the caf. As just a lowly freshman, I was enamored by the caf when I first entered it last September. I mean, food at (almost) all hours of the day? And not only that, good food?! I was ready to eat there for breakfast, lunch and dinner. However, soon my rose-tinted glasses were ripped off my face. My computer was acting funky, so I took it to the tech help desk in the Conaton Learning Center (CLC). As the guy was fixing my computer, an apparently long-lost friend of his came up and began conversing. A tad rude, but I suppose I am also rude for listening in. More importantly, what I heard was a long-winded smackdown of the caf. They wanted to meet for lunch, but they would rather die before step foot in the caf, which apparently has gone far downhill in their years at Xavier. I walked away from that desk with a fixed computer and a broken heart. Gone were my days of naivety. Now when I go to the caf I see it for what it really is: wildly inconsistent. 

But why focus on the negatives? Sure, the caf may not be perfect, but I’ll be darned if there aren’t places in the caf that can keep a consistent quality. The deli is always a good choice — Steve can make a sandwich like no other. But there’s one place in particular that shines above all: the bakery. Even the most adamant critic has to admit there are some delicious deserts back there. But none shine brighter than the constantly refilling cookie cabinet. Those bad boys are good. If you see a kid filling his green box to the brim with cookies, come say hello because it’s probably me. I don’t know if Grandma Cookie actually makes the cookies but if she does then she’s gotta have some sort of secret recipe. These things are a God-send. To celebrate these beacons of hope in the dark cavern that is the caf, let’s count down the top 5 caf cookies!

5. Toffee Cookies – These guys are as good as an average cookie, maybe even a little better. And we’re only at number 5.

4. Chocolate Chip Cookies – A classic recipe that’s not easy to get wrong. However, they’re not the best. Don’t get me wrong, the ingredients are perfect: I love the batter and the chocolate they use. What puts them so low on the list? One word: Toomuchchocolate. I bet you chocoholics out there are saying, “there’s no such thing!” But when it comes to classic chocolate chip cookies, you’ve got to keep the ratio just right. Too much chocolate can overshadow the batter and make you tire of the chocolate faster. Once again, these are still great cookies, they just need to work on the ratio.

3. Sugar Cookies – Now these are cookies where you don’t have to worry about a ratio. Well, I’m sure there are important ratios that go into the intricacies of the batter, but that’s neither here nor there. All you’ve got to know is these are some good tasting sugar cookies that are sweet but not too sweet.

2. M&M Cookies – A cookie that gets the ratio right. I don’t understand why they can’t do this with the normal chocolate chips. They put in just enough M&Ms so you definitely know they’re there, but they’re not assaulting your mouth with an overload of chocolate. There’s also the added layer of candy coating around the chocolate, which throws a whole new delicious element in the mix and works as a barrier between the batter and the chocolate. These are everything you want out of a cookie, and they’re always my go-to, except when they have…

1. Glazed Sugar Cookies – Words cannot describe the pure ecstasy I feel when I bite into this delicious combination of the regular sugar cookie with a glaze unlike any I’ve tasted before. I’ve had my fair share of glazed cookies, and they all make you feel sick after two or three. I don’t know what they put in these things, but they’re somehow sweet enough that they taste like what cookies in heaven taste like, but not too sweet to the point that after a few you’re like, “OK, I’ve had enough of these.” Every bite is as good as the last, if not better. The only feeling a bunch of these cookies will leave you with after eating them is the feeling of wanting more. So Grandma Cookie, or anyone in the bakery, if you’re reading this I beg of you: make these cookies available more often. The cookie cabinet is a beacon of hope, but the light that comes from the variety of colors that glaze these cookies makes that beacon shine just a little brighter.


Aries: If you notice yourself struggling to maintain your temper, and you happen to have your old graded papers and such from last semester, consider setting them on fire.

Taurus: Be patient with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up if you have trouble rolling out of bed or crawling to class. The energy will come, even when it seems like it won’t.

Gemini: Who lives behind that door again? Oh, it’s you, but you’ve holed yourself up for so long that neighbors are questioning who you are. The sunlight is painful, but necessary.

Cancer: Whether you live for the tea that is drama or hate it, be wary of it. Why flip an average-sized table alone immediately when you can consult with others and flip a huge table with them?

Leo: You may want to get ahead this week on things, but that doesn’t mean you should tell someone to break a leg — and secretly mean it literally.

Virgo: Try to make this a self-love week. If someone’s asking you to do something you don’t want to do, don’t give into the peer pressure and don’t be afraid to say no.

Libra: Every year around 9 million people get gifts for their pets on Valentine’s Day. If there’s a pet you feel like you don’t deserve, even if it isn’t yours, get them a fancy toy.

Scorpio: Don’t neglect your health. To take care of physical, mental and social health all at once, run on a treadmill while watching “Vines that butter my eggroll” with a friend.

Sagittarius: Watch out for little financial surprises, like all of your dining dollars being gone and the person at the register giving you a look of pity.

Capricorn: Give yourself time to do what makes you happy. Sleeping for 12 hours straight? Sure. Eating a whole family bag of Cheeto puffs? Yup. Binge watching a whole show? You bet.

Aquarius:  To throw some spice into your week, take time to scroll through DIY Pinterest crafts and try your hand at some of them. You’ll only surprise yourself…either in a good or bad way.

Pisces: Just because the avocado toast in Gallagher is kind of affordable doesn’t mean you should be giving into your millennial instincts and getting it all the time.

This post was assembled by Features Editor Soondos Mulla-Ossman.