Arts & Entertainment

Edit your wardrobe to avoid these faux pas

Welcome to What Not To Wear by Charlie and Gus, two guys who pride themselves on wearing what other people tell them not to wear. Should you listen to us? Only as much as we listen to everyone who tells us our clothes are ugly. And remember, every time you look in the mirror to think to yourself “if anyone can pull this off, it’s me.”

Don’t Wear:

Clothes from Rival Colleges. We get it, you have to rep the school for whatever reason but come on, enough of the UC and NKU shirts on campus.

Instead wear:

Clothes from the school you attend.

Don’t Wear:

Full Tracksuits. You can wear full tracksuits if you’re part of the Russian Mob or are cosplaying as Beth from The Goldbergs. Otherwise, good god no.

Instead wear:

Half tracksuits, regular suits, bathing suits… anything is better than being fully nyloned.

Don’t Wear:

Zip up Hoodies. Never done it for us, never will. They always look worse than regular hoodies and you can’t even layer with them.

Instead Wear:

A jacket over a hoodie, a jacket or a hoodie.

Don’t Wear:

Bandanas Anywhere Other Than Your Head. Bandanas are meant to be tied around your head. That is how we wear them, and thus that is the only correct way. No, we are not taking constructive criticism.

Instead Wear:

nothing if it’s not tied around your noggin. 

Don’t Wear:

High Top Sneakers With Shorts or Boots With Shorts. Isn’t it uncomfortable? Don’t your socks get all scrunched up?

Instead Wear:

Five Fingered Shoes. Unless you have webbed toes like Gus Nations The Fourth.

Don’t Wear:

Bucket Hats. No one should ever wear a bucket hat unless it is covered with bootleg emojis. Does anyone remember when those were a thing? No one? Just us?

Instead Wear:

Fedoras. Don’t be a regular platypus, be Agent P.

Don’t Wear:

The Clothes you just worked out in. Come on man, it’s the Caf, not the HUB. Just change, or shower.

Instead Wear:

Deodorant

Don’t Wear:

Chunky Filas. Let’s be honest, these are just trendier Air Monarch’s. It’s more than likely you will be a dad or mom at a cookout someday so just wait until then.

Instead Wear:

Nike Air Monarch’s. Can’t go wrong with a good ol’ ugly dad shoe.

Don’t Wear:

Horizontal Stripes. What are you, Saturn? You don’t need rings to orbit you.

Instead Wear:

Vertical Stripes. You should’ve seen this suggestion coming.

Don’t Wear:

Corduroy. Despite listing it in our earlier fashion article about what you should wear, we can no longer handle the incessant backlash we have faced. Are you happy now, Kevin?

Instead Wear:

Corduroy. This is the hill we will die on, and we’ll look dope when we do.