Opinions & Editorials

Breaking: Copy editors on strike

“We, the Copy Editors of the Xavier Newswire, present you with our list of demands; These are unabridged, mutinous, and completely in support of the Oxford Comma.”

  • Pension for graduate students
  • Pneumatic tube (Shoop!)
  • Turtle
  • Turtle tunnel (Like for a hamster, but for a turtle)
  • Window
  • Tunnel to Kevin’s office
  • Healthcare would be cool
  • Vision!! (Copy editing strains your eyes) 
  • Dental! (OK, so some of us chew on our pens! So what?)
  • More workplace hazards
  • Allowed to go outside (even just for our government-sanctioned walk) 
  • Snaaaacks
  • Lunch break
  • Quarter zips
  • Unionization
  • A better doorstop??
  • Permanent copy editor room
  • Casual Fridays
  • Taco Tuesdays
  • More ‘find your peace’ notebooks
  • Provided supplies and colored fountain pens
  • Wallpaper
  • Hugs for Alex
  • Hugs in general
  • Blanket chest full of fluffy blankets
  • Communal blankets
  • Personalized nap pods
  • Coffee machine (water feature?)
  • Plants and zen garden
  • Fully stocked wet bar
  • John Mulaney on retainer
  • Dedicated sports copy editor
  • Imported scabs for verbal abuse
  • Laptop chargers
  • Power strip
  • Extra pay for cutting and rewriting
  • Overtime pay
  • Black raspberry chocolate chip ice cream from Graeter’s
  • A mini fridge and a microwave
  • Demand to be taken seriously. 
  • AUTONOMY!
  • Better posters (hang in there??)
  • Get Kevin ordained
  • The Oxford comma
  • AP is a bunch of fascists
  • Twitter or office-style documentary crew (Jim Halpert look)
  • Unlimited Gardettos
  • Minimum wage

*These demands were written and endorsed by the copy editors pictured and two more editors, even though one of them refuses to respond.

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