BY BARB DWYER, Revolution Writer

The university decided that it would be a brilliant idea to add a Krispy Kreme on the bottom floor of Buenger Residence Hall open only to Buenger residents. They deserve to be able to experience this luxury after all their hard work. Let’s face it, who doesn’t love a freshly made Krispy Kreme donut?  

At one time or another, all first years have wanted to live in Buenger Hall. Buenger, the nicest living option for first-year residents, consists of the honors kids who only study, like, only spend their time studying. On the weekends those kids spend so much time in their dorms trying to keep their grades up.  

Studies show that the students in Buenger have test scores that are on average 20% higher than all other first-year residence halls. Especially Brockman, where the test scores seemed to be exceptionally low due to kids staying up all night making popcorn and setting off the fire alarms.  

However, not all Buenger residents have access to this phenomenon – only the honors kids. Yeah, you heard that right. If you ain’t an honors kid, then get the heck outta here. In order to purchase from Krispy Kreme, you must show your All Card with proof that you’re in the honors college. 

There is a bouncer who is there checking IDs (oh yes, this is the real deal). Plus, catch this, if you have a 4.0 GPA and are in the honors program, you can even get room service to your dorm room for free. 

The cost of the food and service comes out of the paychecks of the students with low GPAs across campus. They will be waiting on you all day. The service works 24/7, and students with the lowest GPA of all get the most hours.  

Some of you lucky folks out there who are living in Buenger without being in the honors college are going to have to suffer with the cafeteria food like everyone else on campus. 

So you may be asking; What if I am in the honors college but do not live in Buenger? Sadly, due to COVID-19, honors students not residing in Buenger do not get access to the Krispy Kreme. 

However, there is talk that this policy will stay the same even after COVID-19.  So, if you are wishing you decided to live in the nicest first-year housing on campus, you’re going to wish you did even more.