By Morgan Miles, Staff Writer

10. Melania Trump

Deep inside me, there’s a fantasy where I rescue Melania from the Trump Towers and all the NDA’s she had to sign for Trump that keeps her shackled, like a botox-ed Disney princess.

9. Jill Biden

Can’t lie, Jill Biden is kinda cute. She’s good with kids – and has probably gotten good at taking care of her husband – so a part of me feels like she’s great wifey material to be so patient with the toddlers and grown men in her life.

8. Eleanor Roosevelt

Franklin cheated on her and if I had a Time Machine I’d swoop in, force him to sign the divorce papers, and show the tall, liberal activist of my dreams how women are supposed to be treated.

7. Priscilla Tyler

She played Desdemona in a production of Othello and has the most perfect ringlet curls. But would I declare loyalty to the Confederacy for her? No. I don’t do crazy anymore… not after my last 2 exes. That’s why she’s so low on the list.

6. Helen Taft

If Helen Taft could keep up with the ginormous load that was her husband she could definitely deal with all my mental, emotional, and physical baggage. +10 sexy points for rocking the tallest, most extra hat I’ve ever seen – there’s something about being able to pull off any hat that immediately wins me over.

5. Hilary Clinton

Not Hilary now, but a few decades ago. Just look up young Hilary Clinton. Trust me. If she ran for President then she would’ve blown Trump out of the park.

4. Frances Cleveland

Such a sturdy-looking woman. It’s a shame she was pro-war, but I’m sure I could look past it given her immaculate fashion sense and party-throwing record. I think I would feel safe in her arms…

3. Sarah Polk

A stunning First Lady, it’s apparently legend that Andrew Jackson thought she was hot too… which is the biggest honor ever, and yet another unattainable beauty standard I can only dream of meeting. This is the history I should’ve been taught in high school.

2. Martha Washington

I’d ask Martha any day if she’d like to get away from Mount Vernon and climb Mount Morgan instead. I could easily one up George: buy a bigger house, get more cats, have real teeth.

1.Michelle Obama

There’s nothing better than putting a woman who looks like she could knock me out with one punch in charge.