SATIRE

By Marta Vallejo, Newswire Intern  

After years of taking boring core classes, you finally discover a course that catches your eye. It might not be English or philosophy, but hey — it’s worth 3 credit hours.  

Welcome to The Art of Walking. A class designed to teach you about the philosophy of the thing you do everyday: walk. From learning how to walk in style, to understanding the culture of different types of walks. You’ll learn how to finally walk away from your high school situationship.  

If you’re not interested in walking, then how about The Science of Napping. Nowadays, who actually gets all the sleep they need? A class helping you learn all the best ways to maximize your rest would be amazing. It could also be helpful in reducing any fatigue you get whenever you wake up. 

You know how you’re required to take a theology course? What if you could explore otherworldly religions like Star Wars? The Religion of Star Wars would be a class all focused on the “force.” I mean, the Jedi order itself functions like a religion. So yes, in this class Yoda would technically qualify as a prophet. 

Saying “sorry” nowadays seems so hard. What if there was a class designed to help you apologize to the ones you’ve wronged? Meet How to Apologize Professionally. Have you messed up and don’t know how to say you’re sorry? Don’t worry, this class will help you out. You’ll be able to apologize for your mistakes in an appropriate, professional way that won’t get anyone mad at you. 

We also have something for those studying engineering. How about Wine Appreciation for Engineers? Even engineers need a refined palate. If wine isn’t your taste (or you’re just not in the legal age to drink yet), don’t worry.  

We have something more typical: group work. More specifically, How to Survive a Group Project. This class goes through crisis management, diplomacy and the art of carrying your teammates to victory. It is perfect for those who hate working with people.  

Or Emoji Linguistics. Everybody has used an emoji at least once. A class teaching you about the history of emojis, their vast range and how certain emojis become cultural symbols would be very interesting.

Another “art” elective class is The Art of Doing Nothing. This is a class where you do absolutely nothing with no homework or exams. It is an existential course all about mindfulness and rest, where you rebel against productivity. While we’re on the topic, The Art of Procrastination is a class where you “research” productivity by putting off every assignment until the very last minute.  

What about the overanalyzing of a popular fictional character? I’m talking about the Science of James Bond, where you’ll explore the physics, technology and implausible stunts of everyone’s favorite spy. Though, major spoiler: most of the gadgets would explode.  

There are a million possibilities when it comes to amusing and crazy classes. Don’t worry, you can enroll in these once we finally reach our enrollment quota (never).