By: Hollis Conners ~Features Editor~

The weather has been teasing the Xavier Community for the past few weeks. Spring is tricky, and as long as these weather patterns persist, we can easily determine that Mother Nature doesn’t care about us and will keep switching the weather up for the remainder of the month.

Phase 1

Just to add to the growing disappointment, there comes a week of temperatures ranging from something comfortable for artic penguins to zero. The students walking around campus don’t even look like people. They look like blobs from all of their layers and hunching over to block their faces from the wind. Many will feel flustered about having to go outside and can usually be seen cursing at the weather while their tears freeze on their faces. They begin to give up hope for warm weather while accepting that this winter is eternal.

Phase 2

Students are shocked when they step outside, and for the first time it is above 32 degrees Fahrenheit. It’s a massive improvement from the sub-zero temperatures they have been forced to endure on their walks to class since mid-November. They might consider abandoning their Ugg boots to air out their legs, or even pulling their hood down while driving to campus. Although the sun is not out yet, there is a glimmer of hope on the horizon that spring is getting closer.

Phase 3

As usual, Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow and everyone knows what that means: six more weeks of winter. It makes the typical college student wonder if Phil actually wants spring to come. Students wait in anticipation to see what Phil’s verdict will be, and every year he crushes the hopes and dreams of many by simply looking down at the ground. Many students wonder why a groundhog has all this power, and whether he does this every year to have a chance to laugh at people’s misery. There is little anyone can do but continue to put their faith in Phil.

Phase 4

Students walk outside and start sweating. Their eyes start burning from the direct sunlight, and they suddenly feel a now unfamiliar emotion: happiness. Looking at the sky is a shock because it is bright blue and the sun is melting the snow. They cautiously take off their winter gear with smiles on their faces. Spring is here. Some rush inside to change into short sleeves. Some start singing show tunes because they are just that happy. Some might even lie out on the grass in their swimsuits to try to start their base tan (although not yet recommended). It might not be time for sunscreen and shorts, but it is 60 degrees and it feels like Mordor compared to what they are used to. Nothing could ruin this week because it’s finally time to embrace the warm weather.

Phase 5

The temperature drops to 25 degrees again, and students can be seen crying in their dorms wondering what went wrong. Mother Nature is surely playing a trick on us because there is no way there is snow falling from the sky again.

Phase 6

Yes, it seems hopeless that spring will ever get here. Most are tempted to move to Florida or Alabama, places with consistently warm weather and where 32 degrees will likely cancel class for the day. However, statistically speaking, spring will come, and it will come soon. The Xavier community must remain calm, and for right now keep your winter coats out and your heaters on, because they are our best weapons against this tundra-like weather.