5 Ways To Procrastinate This Fall

By: McKenzi Monday and Shannon Price ~Guest Writer~

Hey there Musketeers! We’ve prepared this list of ways to have fun and procrastinate in the fall. Keep in mind that this is the season for apple wine, so some of our tips might be more legitimate than others.

1) Enjoy the fact that it is no longer swelteringly hot!

When Cincinnati gets its one annual inch of snow and the city completely shuts down (and your Kroger runs out of bread and eggs, everyone forgets how to drive and UC cancels classes while Xavier doesn’t), you’ll be missing these semi-sunny and crisp fall days. Learn how to throw a Frisbee… possibly at your professors. Step on all the nice crunchy leaves. Try to do a belly flop and wind up at McGrath. Don’t smash pumpkins— that’s a d–k move. And just enjoy the fact that wearing a blanket is currently both socially acceptable and cool fashion.

2) Go to Halloween Haunt at King’s Island

Looking for endless blackmail material on your closest friends? Enjoy giving yourself a nice heart attack? Head on over to King’s Island! We all know it’s not real, but after a couple of nice…mixed…apple ciders (for those over 21), it certainly seems like it is. If you’ve finally finished watching a bunch of 12-year-olds wandering around the backwoods of Indiana searching for a monster without a face (thanks Netflix), you’ll be able to appreciate that someone had to be twisted enough to dress up as that widowed serial killer over there. It’s a good time.

3) Wonder what happens when it’s Halloween and you’re (technically) an adult…

The days of blindly wandering through your neighborhood dressed as Napoleon Dynamite have come to an end. You’re an adult now (technically). You’re better than this. Now it’s time to find a real Halloween Party, for mature people with real costumes (that are still scavenged from Goodwill). It’s time to tear it up in OTR, or at the Banks, or somewhere… these authors are still searching. And Googling.

4) Haunted Cincinnati Tours

These tours are now offered through November, just in case you didn’t get your ghost fix in October. There are some outdoor locations like Eden Park (because hanging out outdoors is exactly what you want to do once the weather dips below 50 degrees), plus the U.S.S. Nightmare. Supposedly fifteen percent jump ship, so if you’re no longer getting that gratifying sense of terror-on-the-water after watching Jaws for the 15th time, we’ve got you.

5) Actual things that are happening in Cincinnati and you might want to know about:

While some of the aforementioned events are technically valid (the best kind of valid), here are some specific, local things you can do in Cincinnati during the fall.

• Minges Pumpkin Festival: A pumpkin patch and a Findley Market-style festival will be going on in Hamilton, Ohio. If you’re looking for artisanal soap, pumpkins, fall-themed decor or kettle-corn, this is the place to be on Oct. 15.

• Hyde Park Farmer’s Market: Every Sunday in Hyde Park (just 10 minutes from Xavier) is a great little farmer’s market set up in the center of Hyde Park. Once the crops are out of season, so is this market, so arrange a visit while you still can for some fresh produce and tasty baked goods.

• See number 4 above. ’Cause Haunted Cincinnati Tours are a real thing and actually seem like they would be quite entertaining.

• Enjoy your friends. This is the blessed time between midterms and first semester finals, when the weather is great and the homework load is relatively low. Explore the city! Go to brunch. Debate over terrible Halloween costumes and appreciate each other’s company. Because we know that, especially for seniors, this year is flying by.