Caf makes actual changes

By: Slim Eden ~Commuter with an Unlimited Plan~

I totally just Googled this | I have zero idea what this photo is, but it popped up when I Googled “Xavier caf” so I figured it was fair game.

The rating system placed at the exit of Hoff Dining Commons has created very real change within both the cafeteria itself and the entire campus.

The system, based around students rating their daily dining experience with a series of small circular human faces meant to resemble different emotions, has truly been one of the most revolutionary additions to campus in the last decade.

“It’s amazing the kind of change that has happened around here since they put that rating thingy by the door,” junior psychology major James McDonough said. “I mean, I was here a few years ago when they didn’t have it… and boy, let me tell you, it is like night and day now.”

The system allows students to say they had a poor time by selecting a red frowny face; an average to poor time with a slightly less severe frowny face; a moderate to good time by selecting a face with a crooked line for a mouth that could technically be construed as a very weak smile; or a full smile to say that the dining experience was great.

“We knew this would be huge for us,” Sandy Kelly, head of student relations at Hoff, said. “You should see all the truly tangible progress we have made from all of the reviews we get from students on a daily basis.”

There is an unspoken rule among students that this rating system is not to be trifled with and that anyone who attempts to “troll” the caf by giving a rating that is not indicative of their time in the caf is not Xavier material.

“Nobody fucks with the system,” senior humanities minor Steve Varney said. “I mean nobody. And if you see anybody messing with it, giving an angry face when you saw em’ havin’ a nice time and eating their asparagus and likin’ it, then you tell them I’m ready to throw down. This rating system is the best thing ever to happen to this campus since the goddamn pizza ATM.”

In addition to small scraps of paper that can be used to make suggestions on a wall near the exit, the rating system makes sure that the students’ interests and suggestions are heard. The rating system is reportedly also spreading to other areas of campus. Each parking space will soon have a rating system to allow students to give their thoughts on being ticketed during basketball games.