By: Luke Byerly ~He definitely wrote this drunk~
Xavier Police got a workout Friday afternoon when the force was called to detain a student who was reportedly ranting and raving all over campus. Officers were forced to chase senior Danielle McNally across campus after she wandered out of Smith Hall for the first time to test whether her fellow business students’ rumors of “the rest of campus” were true or not.
In the spirit of expanding her professional network, McNally stepped out of the building for the first time in her four years at Xavier.
At first she looked at the socalled “painting mirror of Smith,” otherwise known as the CLC. She stepped in, and her world was changed. Instead of a world of stock change tickers, McNally found herself in a world of books. Needless to say, she couldn’t cope with the change. She ran out of the CLC and toward the Gallagher Student Center, the legendary hall of liberals and snowflakes.
McNally saw a cop in the circle outside of Gallagher and begged for help, but he was too busy writing a parking ticket. She made a beeline for the student center and burst in raving about the stock market and health care, but the coffee shop that she recognized from Smith was not quite the same. In this shop people talked about democracy, and they weren’t opposed to global health care.
McNally couldn’t take it; she bolted out of the student center toward Smith.
She passed the Frisbee players who were asking if she wanted to “toss bro,” but she continued on, aghast at their non-business-professional attire. She needed to be with her people.
She passed Father Michael Graham, president, who said hello to a business student for the first time, and could see the doors of Smith rapidly approaching. She was home, where the finance students were still talking about funds and she still had the opportunity to talk about her one-sided interest in health care. She was home, away from the myths of sustainability, away from the myths of English grammar and back into the arms of her business acumen.