By: Hanna Barbera

Dear Hanna Barbera,

What is all the hype about Father B? He’s totally overrated. Am I missing something here?

Sincerely,

Low Xpectations

Dear Low Xpectations,

First of all, how dare you.

Father B has definitely called your ungrateful ass a saint when you were dragging your hungover butt to your 8 a.m., knowing very well that you’ve probably made the police notes before. And here you are, spewing this blasphemy. Hit up the next service at Bellarmine because y’all need Jesus. So, yes. You are missing something here. It’s called taste.

Sincerely,

Hanna Barbera

Dear Hanna Barbera,

When I toured Xavier I thought that the Pizza ATM was the coolest thing, but apparently it’s kind of a running joke. That one kid wrote an editorial slamming the Pizza ATM. Why all the hate?

Sincerely,

Pizza is Life

Dear Pizza is Life,

It’s $9 caf pizza that isn’t even sliced. Next.

Sincerely,

Hanna Barbera

Dear Hanna Barbera,

I think my roommate is stealing my stuff. I keep finding my clothes in their closet, and my food is gone when I get back from class. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Annoyed

Dear Annoyed,

Definitely don’t talk to your RA – that’s far too logical. Also, that’s seriously an invasion of privacy for you to go through their closet like that. Have some respect, OK? Try leaving passive aggressive notes around your dorm – under the toilet seat, on their pillowcase. They’ll get the hint.

Sincerely,

Hanna Barbera

Dear Hanna Barbera,

My professor keeps giving me D’s on my papers. I come to class, but I can’t seem to pull anything higher than mediocre papers. Why is my professor being such a hardass?

Sincerely,

D’s Get Degrees

Dear D’s Get Degrees,

Damn, if only we had a Writing Center or office hours or an abundance of resources and opportunities at a higher education institution. Why can’t college be like high school when bullshitting a paper still got you an A, right? It’s almost like they’re expecting us to, like, try or something crazy like that. Keep reading the sparknotes 15 minutes before class, I hear that works wonders.

Sincerely,

Hanna Barbera