Pro-life, pro-choice groups to dance, draw and adopt in first-ever Olympic Week

Despite their differences, Xavier’s Students for Life (S4L) and a ragtag group of pro-choice students will be teaming up to host the first Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice Olympic Week starting next Monday.

Each day of the school week will feature an event pitting each group against each other to see who will come out on top. As a prize, the winning team can choose between contraceptives of their choice or complimentary brochures to any Unplanned Parenthood clinic. Winners will also receive a feature in an inflammatory press release and blog post of the affiliated national organization that represents their ideologies.

The conception of the Olympic Week idea began when administrators and students alike noticed some friction among students on each side of the debate.

“I felt a lot of animosity over the topic of abortion,” Provost Betty Short said. “I thought some nice friendly competition would be a great way for people to get out their rage. And I wanted to prove that people can get along regardless of whether you believe the lives of women are less important than an unborn fetus or not. We can all agree to disagree!”

The games kick off on Monday with a dance off between the two teams. Songs featured will include Justin Bieber’s “Baby,” “Haven’t Met You Yet” and “Single Ladies.” The DJ is also accepting song requests.

A chalk art competition will take place on Tuesday on the sidewalks in front of the Gallagher Student Center. All water products will be banned from the event to avoid any kind of triggering image or liquid sound.

Wednesday’s event will take the students off campus to The Children’s Village, a local foster home. Teams will take this day to bond and learn more about the process of adoption. The team with the most adoptions will win the event.

Teams will gather on the yard on Thursday for an egg-carrying competition with a twist. In a relay style, each team will send individual members across the yard while they carry an egg using forceps. The winning team will use its eggs to make omelets for a post-event snack.

Friday brings the Olympic Week to a close with a showing of Juno in the Arrupe Overlook and an awards ceremony after the movie. Complimentary popcorn and Sour Patch Kids candy will be available to all those who attend. Friday’s feature will be followed by an all-night marathon of Secret Life of an American Teenager, with a spread of kegs and eggs the following morning.

“I think we’ll really deliver,” S4L member Patty White said. “We’ve got a lot of heart and there is no room for Plan B here.”

“S4L thinks we’re going to abort our mission to win these games,” pro-choice team member Eve Steinem said. “But this is going to be the mother of all victories. Even though we aren’t unborn fetuses, we’re hoping that maybe if we win the games we might be seen as valid enough to form an actual club on campus.”

By: Hannah Hates Rifles | She hates job titles, too