Aprils Fools

XavierFest lineup finally features the cool artists we actually want to hear

Xavier Student Activities Council (SAC) has released their lineup for Xavier Fest 2019. In a statement SAC said, “We are formally releasing our lineup for Xavier Fest 2019. We are excited to include some of the most troubled artists imaginable.”

The lineup includes, Iggy Azalea, Kodak Black, Tekashi 6ix9ine (pronounced six nine) and 2 Live Crew. Other artists include the Jonas Brothers and Men Without Hats, who will be performing their hit song “Safety Dance.”

Sara Hamer, a junior and member of SAC said, “we are trying to expand our horizons with the artists we allow to perform at Xavier Fest.”

There is a rumor that Christian artist Lauren Daigle may be working on a duo for Xavier Fest with 6ix9ine, who is currently facing up to 47 years in prison for racketeering, drug charges and weapons charges. SAC declined to comment on whether these rumors could be confirmed.

TMZ was the first to report the potential collaboration at Xavier Fest.

MC Hammer was also approached by SAC to perform. MC Hammer told the IRS “Can’t Touch This” back in the 1990s and he is still bankrupt. His publicist said, “Someone please let us perform.” SAC ultimately removed Hammer from the lineup.

2 Live Crew will be performing at the concert. The rap group that hails from Miami, Florida faced controversy when their explicit lyrics were banned. However, the ban was overturned in the US Circuit Courts in the early 1990s on grounds that the ban was a violation of freedom of speech. The US Supreme Court refused to hear the case. Now Xavier has finally begun to take into account the musical selections actually wanted by the student body.

Aaron Klohn, a senior on SAC, said that “I think we have a nice mix of artists who are upstanding citizens and artists who have been in trouble with good old Johnny law.”

Last year’s Xavier Fest was headlined by rapper Mike Stud. A Xavier sophomore who wished to remain anonymous said, “literally anything would be better than Mike Stud.”

SAC’s statement also said, “Xavier Fest will be Friday, May 3 on the Xavier Yard! We hope to see you there!”


By: Will Hunter | Guest Writer