U.S. & World News

The Lighter Side: Summer Edition

Crunchwrap catastrophe, blame it on the intern, godless gator

  • The annual Philly Naked Bike Ride, which is exactly what it sounds like, didn’t require participants to wear a shirt, shoes or any clothing at all. It did, however, ask all nude cyclists to wear a mask (June 9).
  • The National Park Service released a statement urging hikers who encounter bears not to shove their friends into the ursines’ paths. “Do not run up and push the bear and do not push a slower friend down…even if you feel the friendship has run its course,” the statement said (June 15). 
  • Researchers in Scotland have discovered a new way to recycle single-use plastic: by converting the chemicals into vanilla extract. The process uses mutant enzymes to break down the plastic’s polymers and convert the substance to the widely-used compound “vanillin” (June 15). 
  • Coca-Cola’s market value dropped approximately $4 billion after soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo moved two cans of the beverage off of a press conference table. A longtime advocate for healthy living, Ronaldo exclaimed “Water!” and held up a water bottle immediately after the snub (June 16).
Coca-Cola lost $4 billion with a single word: “Water!”
Photo courtesy of flickr.com
  • Streaming service HBO Max took flak from users after millions of subscribers received an email reading, “Integration Test Email #1.” The company soon apologized, joking that “yes, it was the intern” who accidentally sent the unfinished email (June 18). 
  • The U.S. government released its long-awaited “UFO report,” stating that UFOs exist and it cannot identify most of them (June 24). 
  • A Florida pastor received an unexpected guest at his Sunday service: an alligator who crawled out of a nearby storm drain. After the reptile lacked interest in the gospel, Pastor Daniel Gregory snapped an irked selfie with it, saying: “When a Gator shows up to your church but isn’t ready to accept the Lord” (June 30).
  • City officials in Melbourne, Australia have announced a “cat curfew” that will go into effect on Oct. 1, 2021. The law will prevent cats from roaming beyond their owner’s property, though it is unclear at this time if the offending cats themselves will receive punishments for curfew violations (July 2). 
  • A Tennessee Taco Bell employee was arrested after she lit fireworks inside the restaurant, setting the store ablaze in an unfortunate Crunchwrap catastrophe (July 5). 
  • A Dayton teen who was celebrating their 15th birthday protected their younger siblings by chasing away a home intruder while wielding a samurai sword (July 7). 
  • Three farmers in India were arrested for producing illegal moonshine after police discovered 101 bottles of the potent alcohol in local water buffalos’ troughs. Sheriffs first became suspicious after several veterinarians reported that the buffalo were acting drunk and disorderly (July 8). 
A herd of drunken buffalo led to the arrest of three farmers.Photo courtesy of commons.wikimedia.org
  • Dentists are strongly advising against following a recent TikTok trend in which users “brush” their teeth with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. The eraser, which contains sulfurous acid and embalming chemical formaldehyde, should not be ingested (July 12).

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