Back Page 10/19/22

New Show Starts Off With a Bang?

By Will Lopes, Staff Writer

Was I the only one who caught the pilot of The Big Bang Theory the other day? I had to rewatch it three times to actually figure out what the show is supposed to be about. From what I gather, it speaks to an audience of people who are generally kind of stupid. It wants the viewer to see, “these people did very well for themselves in school but they’re still so dumb!” There’s no doubt in my mind that my parents are going to love this show.

My review might be harsh, but how could it not be? This show advertises itself as a comedy, yet all of the jokes in the show are as deep as a kiddie-pool. Every joke in this show pretty much follows the same train, saying something like, “look at this dumb nerd and how socially awkward he is!” Every time a character even just mentions something that is seen as ‘nerdy’ we get a laugh track. I thought to myself, why is the show telling me to laugh at the mere reference to Dungeons and Dragons? It’s things like this that tell me this show is made to pander to an audience and has no real substance.

Another thing about this show that I hate are the characters. It seems as if every character has one quirk that keeps the jokes flowing about them. For instance, Sheldon is obsessive, Leonard is the one that laughs at the others for being geeks, and Raj’s quirk is that he’s a minority. It’s almost 2008 we should be over and done with racism in media already!

Regardless of its shortcomings, the show does have its bright spots. Not many, but I could definitely see myself watching this show as a way to pass time. We’ll see how the story progresses as the years go by, if it even gets renewed for a second season. Surely it won’t become a dominant force in the culture, winning numerous awards and getting an even worse spin-off down the road.


By Joseph Nichols, Staff Writer

Matt Damon voted sexiest man alive 2007! 

People Magazine has spoken, and the sexiest man is indeed alive. You might know him as Matthew Paige Damon of Good Will Hunting. Damon has taken this poll to the next level, requesting that fans only refer to him as “Master M” and demanding that the citizens of the United States petition McDonalds to change its name to “Mattdonalds” to immortalize this honor.

This past week, Hollywood sweethearts Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were spotted entering a plane to adopt their third child. They seem to have no reservations about adding more members to their family, citing that a multitude of kids is the measure of any happy family and that adopting kids is cheaper by the dozen.

Singer heartthrob Justin Timberlake and Oscar-winning actress and upcoming political candidate Cameron Diaz broke up after a nearly four year relationship. Much to many fans’ disapproval, Timberlake has already begun seeing actress and model Jessica Biel, whereas Diaz has started and ended relationships with three different men, the most recent being magician Criss Angel.

After stating just a few years ago that Leonardo Dicaprio does not believe in marriage, the actor now said in an exclusive interview that he is ready to settle down and get married. Surely he will not just date women under twenty-five for the next decade?

Breaking News: Cameron Diaz has been sawed in half.

The Ultimate Guide to Fashion: 2007 Edition

By Ben Dickison, Staff Writer


Apple bottom jeans. Boots with the fur. 

More Jeans: but not just any jeans. These jeans are worn in such a way people will think your belt buckle is terrified of even getting near your belly button (and rightfully so — that navel piercing is sharp)!

Denim mini-skirts with cropped leggings: For those ladies that need to really impress their hot date to Half-Price Apps night at Applebee’s.

Those sunglasses that have just a few thin openings and are otherwise just straight up plastic: Does it make sense? Debatable. Does Kanye rock these? Yes. So, they’re cool.

Heelys: Sex appeal: maximized. Mobility: optimized. Speed: of light.

Glitter. So much glitter. Can be used to bedazzle a thong, which can peek out of the back of your jeans.

Fedoras: To enchant you, m’lady.


Wear a skirt without long jeans: Is that some ankle, I see?

Be underprepared: Stylish. Tactical. Practical. Sport the working man’s favorite attire — cargo shorts — to become a living, breathing storage unit.

Wear a fitting suit: More suit, same price. What’s not to like? Just ask any of this year’s NBA draft picks.

Serious bands: “Oh, wow! I love your diamond bracelet!” said no one ever. Wear those silly bands up to your humerus.

Wear a hat in the conventional forward-facing direction: You know what they say. Hats facing south, east or west are simply the best.

Wear boots to provide warmth: Wear UGGs in the summer with shorts and fishnets. Sweaty feet never bothered you anyway.For more fashion tips & tricks, consult Newswire fashion analyst John Stowell.


Aries: Don’t put dead leaves on your friend’s couch as a “joke.” No one is laughing. 

Taurus: I’m DTF. Depressed thoroughly by Friday. 

Gemini: Please, take the creator tag out of your Instagram bio. 

Cancer: Did you know that you have to meet with your academic advisor by Oct. 31? 

Leo: Stop complaining about accounting. At least you’re not a bio-med major. 

Virgo: We know your parents are cool. We will see them at the family weekend house party. 

Libra: Carve a pumpkin. It lifts the spirits. 

Scorpio: We know it’s cold outside in the morning. You don’t need to post it on your snap story.

Sagittarius: Keep sniping your friends making out with people on the dance floor. It’s funny. 


Aquarius: Look out for your friends this weekend. If your parents are holding conversation hostages, be aware. 

Pisces: Go to the zoo. The Cincinnati Zoo slays. Say hi to Fiona for me.