Back Page 2/22/23

Comic by Briana Dunn


By Dylan Macdonald, Staff Writer

Let’s talk about Super Smash Bros. Character selection, shall we? Because nothing says “I’m taking this game seriously” like choosing a cartoon dinosaur to represent you.

Your choice of character in Super Smash Bros. can reveal a lot about your personality. For instance, if you pick the aggressive and fiery Bowser, it might suggest that you have some deep-seated anger issues you need to work out. And if you pick the tiny, pink ball of fluff known as Jigglypuff, well, I’m sorry, but I can’t help you there.

But it’s not just personality that your character choice reflects – it can also reveal your sense of style. If you pick a character with a more classic, retro look, like Mario or Donkey Kong, it might suggest that you’re getting old. Or maybe you just like the feeling of being a pixelated hero, I don’t know.

Let’s not forget about the characters abilities. Some players choose characters based on their strength or speed, while others go for more unusual skills like Kirby’s ability to inhale and copy other players’ powers. If you choose Kirby, it might mean that you’re a bit of a copycat yourself – but hey, we won’t judge.

There are also the people who pick characters that can only punch. If you’re picking these characters you must love games like street fighter or maybe mortal kombat. Honestly, you should stick to those games because it sounds like you aren’t here to have fun anyways.

Of course, there’s always the chance that you’re choosing a character simply because you have fond memories of their original game. For example, maybe you pick Link because you used to play The Legend of Zelda with your siblings as a kid. Or maybe you pick Pikachu because you were really into Pokémon cards, but in a super nerdy way. Either way, it’s a nice trip down memory lane – just don’t forget to actually, you know, play the game.

But let’s be real here: at the end of the day, we’re all just choosing characters based on who we think looks the coolest. I mean, come on – who wouldn’t want to play as a giant, fire-breathing dragon like Charizard? Or a ninja frog like Greninja? These characters just exude pure awesomeness, and that’s really what we’re all after, isn’t it?

So there you have it – your Super Smash Bros. character choice says a lot about you, whether it’s your personality, your age, your abilities or just your desire to be cooler than you are. And if you choose Kirby, well… good luck with that.


Aries: You are such a Ness- annoying and won’t let me get two words in. 

Taurus: Girl, you are Kirby. I know your heart yearns for that Pepto Bismol karate chop.

Gemini: You’re probably Little Mac (derogatory).  

Cancer:  It’s giving Sonic. You actually last a long time, but that is just because you spam the B button and insist on only using your spinny power. 

Leo: You are Yoshi. You think you are so special because your shield puts you in a cutesy little green egg. 

Virgo: You are Bowser, and you’re the best kind of person for that. A Bowser battle is definitely not a bad one. 

Libra: You are none other than Donkey Kong. You’re never going to win; I hope you know that. 

Scorpio: You are Mario. A purist, a classic. I could never get tired of you. 

Sagittarius: You are Toon Link: underestimated, underdog, fierce and persistent. Even though you only know the tornado move, you made it to second place!

Capricorn: You are Dark Samus. You think you are SO quirky for not choosing regular Samus or Zero Suit Samus (aka slutty Samus), but you are not quirky. You are going to lose. 

Aquarius: You are King K. Rool. You’re beast, you have cannons, and above all, you slay. 

Pisces: You are Princess Peach: adorable, sweet and sharing your sunshine with everyone.