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by Marty Dubecky, Ghost Writer
Last Friday was a dreaded Friday the 13th. That means we need a recap on all of the scariest things a student can encounter on campus and how to avoid them.
Scary Thing 1: The smell of weed wafting through a Brockman hallway
Do not worry, this actually is not that scary. Not only does your RA not really care about this, but they actually give you secret Ganja Points for every time you are caught hotboxing your dorm room. 10 Ganja Points means a free treat from XUPD himself. (It’s a police officer escort all the way to Queen City Cannabis).
Scary Thing 2: You are sitting alone at the Caf and a First Year sits next to you to ask if you are okay
Be on the lookout for spooky scary creatures on the yard during the Japanese House Concert on the Yard.
This is actually really scary. There are a couple things for you to do to help out in a freaky situation like this. One option is pretending that your friends are coming to join you. Tell the first-year you have tons of friends and would never actually sit alone in the Caf. Another option is to throw a piece of raw Caf chicken at them. You’ll get a laugh from the tables around you, and you get to avoid food poisoning. If you need to take drastic measures, just cry and let loose. Odds are, they are a psychology major just looking to try out everything Psych 101 is teaching them.
Scary Thing 3: You are homesick and have no friends and Xavier’s campus feels claustrophobic and only brings up bad feelings because it is so similar to high school and you can’t even dedicate yourself fully to classwork because your motivation and ability to focus on anything more than a few minutes has gone completely out of the window and the only thing that is bringing any kind of spark of minimal happiness in your life is monstrous amounts of dessert from Father B’s Bakery.
Hey, I’m sorry you feel this way. Hope this article helps 🙂
Scary Thing 4: You accidently called your professor mom or dad
This literally happens all the time. The best part of it is that professors most of the time prefer being addressed as mom and dad. Gram or gramps can work too if they fit the age range. Professors are here because they care about the students. And who cares more than your parents and grandparents?
