SATIRE

By Hannah Wolke, Staff Writer 

There are many different ways for students to spend their fall break. The prized fall break plans at Xavier are typically the upperclassmen going on their annual Nashville trip! It’s spectacular to hear the good music, wear cowboy boots and exercise your right to drink on Broadway Street. What you don’t know are the wrong ways Xavier students spend fall breaks.  

1. With the crazy uncle 

So, you know that one uncle you have that’s just always causing problems? Yeah, he’s going to be at a family friendly fun event that he is not going to be very family friendly at. Get ready to talk to him about your political opinions and whatever you view, his beliefs are the opposite. You’ll say, we did it Uncle Joe, we still can’t agree! What an uncomfortable situation.

2. Going down a YouTube rabbit hole 

Imagine this: you have a nice, calm night in your childhood bedroom, when all of a sudden, you get the urge to do something productive. Then, you might open up Canvas to study for an upcoming midterm. This preparation you must do requires YouTube recap videos on the terminology. This midterm is worth a third of your grade.  

Then, you see all the interesting videos on the side bar two minutes into this half an hour video. You persevere with 25 more minutes left, but, the conspiracy video about the COVID Conscious Lesbian Bar in Western Massachusetts is calling your name. You promise yourself you’ll have time later to finish studying. You in fact did not give yourself time. You cram on Sunday night. The midterm is Monday when you get back.  

3. Apple picking disaster 

You’re going on a trip with some friends to go pick apples because that is such a fall thing to do on a lovely fall break. What you all thought would be a nice, relaxing time to take photos and get some overly priced fresh apples turned into being a horrible mistake. You and your friends were all handed apple picking sticks that had grabbers at the end. Your friends were then let into the orchard with your sticks, phones for Instagram photos and baskets.  

What you didn’t expect was Blob climbing around in a tree and throwing apples at you. The Blob then stopped throwing the apples at you and your friends and asked if you’d like to eat an apple. Good thing your friend read the Bible last week because Adam and Eve listened to the snake to eat the apples. Eating the apple was your first mistake. You were now chosen for the dark side.  

4. And of course, spending the Nashville trip the wrong way 

The Nashville trip is a rite of passage for our Xavier students to experience culture and get plastered right before midterms. You might need to be studying but what’s better than taking photos in front of some music icons’ favorite spots. Broadway is where the party begins at 9:00 p.m. walking around with your friends, reminiscing when you were an underclassman and would just go home for fall break. 

Now you have time to actually have fun and not worry about the next week. But what you didn’t know is that you had been spending the Nashville trip the wrong way. One drink led to more and there was nothing left to do but dance and crash for the next three days. You then realize on the car ride back on Sunday you forgot midterms start soon. Not much studying for you this weekend. 

Hopefully none of these examples listed are what your fall breaks turn out to be. If that becomes true, then I must be a fortune teller.